An Exclusive Interview – Meet OurSexyExploration 5/5 (5)

Some of the most fascinating hotwife experiences and stories to read about are those having to do with couples who are still fairly new to the lifestyle. I partially think it’s because a lot of guys find it easier to relate to those kinds of couples, as opposed to the “larger than life” ones in the lifestyle.

Speaking of easy-to-relate to couples who are new to the lifestyle, the Stag & Vixen couple featured in the below interview couldn’t serve as a better example of how normal it is for a wife to have a slew of objections to her husband’s fantasy, yet still willingly come around to trying it, and being glad she did.

Let’s give a warm welcome to the Stag & Vixen Tumblr couple known as OurSexyExploration.

The Interview

Q: How did you get started in the Stag & Vixen lifestyle?

A: By Her –  I had never done anything that was outside of a monogamous relationship before I met “D”.  I am recently divorced, and when we started dating, he shared that he had been into the “Swingers Lifestyle” in the past, and honestly, it scared me at first.  I had always felt that if someone truly loved you and cared about you, they wouldn’t want to “share” you – example: children don’t normally share their most “special” toys for fear of them being broken or damaged.  It took a lot of talking and convincing for “D” to get me to even think about the idea of being with another man while in a relationship.  We have a very healthy sex life and fantasy life, though, so eventually I did some research and realized that it was extremely important to him, so I decided to give it a shot.  It was almost a “Fuck It” moment the first time – I just decided to set up a date with a guy, and within about 3 hours I had something planned.  From then on, things progressed…and we’re where we are now.

By Him – I was previously in the Lifestyle with a former wife, in the early 2000’s. The idea of sharing wasn’t new to me, but the idea of my girl going out on her own, without me was very new, and hard at first.  She suggested it as a way of leading up to a threesome, although she thought I’d say “hell, no!”  I gave it some thought, and honestly, the idea turned me on. I took the bait, and coaxed her into trying it out over many months of discussion.

 

Q: What was your most memorable experience while living the Stag & Vixen lifestyle?

A: By Her – My most memorable experience was probably my first time, which didn’t even include full sex, just making out.  I think it was memorable because it was the first time, I was a nervous wreck, but the guy was also very attractive, sweet and a total gentleman.  It was a strange mixture of emotions to be out with someone who I could “see myself with”, but knowing that I was already taken.  It took me a while to come to terms with the idea of separating the “heart” and the “mind”…and I’m still not sure I’m completely there, but I’m working on it.

By him – I have to agree with her – the very first “date” that ended up involving a fairly heavy make-out session, much more than I expected. The first time she gave a blowjob to a guy, and of course the first time she went all the way. All three of those were “landmark” events, each with their own distinct associated emotions and excitement.

 

Q: How many guys have you been with since you started the Stag & Vixen lifestyle, and what’s that been like for you?

A: By Her – We’re still fairly new to this lifestyle, so I have only been with 3 different guys.  The first was just a regular date – dinner, drinks, a little dancing, and then some hot making out afterwards.  The second was with a guy who I had known from my past, and we ended up making out pretty heavily one day, and then a while later, I met him for coffee at the local Starbucks and one thing led to another and I ended up giving him a handjob in the parking lot.  The third guy was my first “all the way” experience; also, someone who I had known and who is polyamorous and married, so relatively safe. He and I met one time and only did oral, and then he came back a few days later and we went all the way.

 

Q: Can you tell us about any resistance or hesitation either of you felt before “taking the plunge”?

A: By Her – I definitely felt some resistance and a lot of hesitation before actually going through with my first “date”.  I just couldn’t understand, being someone who had been married for 12 years and cheated on by her husband (now ex-husband), how “D” could truly love me and want to “give me away” to another man.  There was a part of me that felt like he was either using me for sexual gratification, or that he wasn’t as serious about the emotional aspects of our relationship as I was.  It took a long time for me to really even begin to understand his desires – as I couldn’t ever imagine him being with anyone else – and even now I struggle with my own guilt over not being “faithful”…even though I am completely faithful.  This lifestyle definitely presents a lot of emotional intricacies that have to be navigated in order to take full advantage of things.

By Him – I’ve been extremely nervous any time a guy seems to want more than just sex.  Having some experience in the lifestyle before, I wasn’t as nervous with the general physical act – moreso the emotional side of things have worried me at times.  Guys seem to fall for her easily, get very personal and want to get “into her life”, which worries me. I’ve asked that she doesn’t see the same guy more than three times, to avoid any attachments or entanglements. I’m not the type that wants her to have a “boyfriend” or “FWB” on the side, so any time I sense the guy in question is pursuing more than a physical relationship, I get uneasy.

We have talked about her having a fantasy date(s) with a romantic guy of her choosing, who’s going to work to win her over, with romance and seduction, treating her as a gentleman would, leading up to sex.  While that makes me highly nervous, I want her to have the best experience she can with this lifestyle and would let her have that – and I trust her with my heart and my life.

 

Q: What are 5 of the sexiest things related to being a vixen that you do to tease your husband?

A: By Her – Teasing is such an important part of this lifestyle for a Vixen.  My top “teases” are probably, bringing up my past experiences, writing sexy captions or stories that elude to my experiences, teasing with the idea that I “may” surprise him with something at any time, keeping him on edge in terms of flirting with other guys, and just generally talking about things.

 

Q: What advice do you have for couples who are interested in pursuing the Stag & Vixen lifestyle but can’t find any good men, or the right men?

A: By Her – As I said above, we’re fairly new to the lifestyle.  The men that I chose were chosen based on how comfortable I felt with them.  If I’m not physically and somewhat emotionally attracted to someone, I’m not going to be able to become aroused by them.  I chose guys that I knew from my past or who were friends, because they were safe.  There are a lot of good websites out there that cater to Swingers and the Stag and Vixen Lifestyle – “D” and I are on Kasidie.com and there is also a website called “Feeld” that seemed pretty legit.  I would just suggest trying to meet someone who understands your situation, knows the rules and is willing to follow them, and is respectful through chat first, then meet up for and introduction and see if the guy is willing to behave himself.  From there…it’s all up to you.

 

Q: What boundaries do you have in your relationship as it relates to living the Stag & Vixen lifestyle, and how do you make sure you don’t break them?

A: By Her – There has been HOURS upon HOURS of conversation regarding boundaries.  “D” having been in the Swingers Lifestyle before pretty much knew what sorts of boundaries to set up and how do go about making rules and following them.  I sort of followed his lead on that, though I do often question things in a “Devil’s Advocate” sort of way.  The boundaries and rules are always changing a little bit as things evolve and we change as a couple, but the main boundaries we have are: 1. Don’t fall in love (no lasting emotional attachment), 2. Don’t see the same guy more than 3 or 4 times (seeing the same guy too often or me having a “boyfriend” isn’t really for us as it leads to a greater risk of emotional attachment) and 3. Practice safe sex (I know that “bareback” looks sexy, sounds sexy and feels the best, but it’s just not the safest way to go…the risks are not worth it).  If I’m leaving anything out in terms of boundaries, I’m sure that “D” will elaborate. ?

By Him – First, I don’t play with women. No more than 3 (maybe 4) dates with the same guy. I have to know the details of communications and activities with other men. No falling in love. No friends with benefits. No emotional attachments.  We also have some physical / sexual boundaries – absolutely always practice safe sex, no anal (so far?)

 

Q: What are the top 5 pieces of advice you would share with couples who are new to the Stag & Vixen lifestyle regarding setting up boundaries?

A: By Her – First, boundaries are essential.  You cannot do this sort of thing without clear cut rules that are well thought out and put your relationship first.  Just because something seems “sexy” or “fun” doesn’t mean you should go out and do it without thinking, first, right?  So…have conversations with each other, learn about how your partner “works” emotionally and talk things through.  Start small in the lifestyle – you don’t have to go out and go “all the way” the first time, actually, it’s probably better you don’t; start with flirting, some touching and kissing at a bar or a party, and see how you and your partner react to that.  If all is good, move forward.  The most important thing to remember is that this lifestyle is based on trust and that goes both ways – breaking rules (by either party) will not promote a happy life or relationship, and it won’t make the lifestyle safe and fun.

Her answers are exactly what I would suggest. Trust and honesty are quintessential.

 

Q: What do you think are the top 5 reasons why a woman would reject or not be open to exploring the Stag & Vixen lifestyle with their husband?

A: By Her – 1.  “He doesn’t love me if he wants to share me” – This is probably the biggest reason most women would shy away from the lifestyle.  It’s a hard concept to understand for a lot of women, as we don’t work the same was as men in terms of being able to separate the “physical” from the “emotional”.

2. “He’s using me or degrading me” – This goes along with Number 1 a little bit, but there is a feeling of being used that comes with this lifestyle.  Sure, the Vixen gets this wonderful freedom to have sex with any man she wants to and still has her main relationship, which is something that “sounds” really appealing, but for a woman, this isn’t really how we’re naturally wired.  If we feel like we’re being “used for sex or seen only as a sexual object” we’re probably going to feel gross about this.

3. “He’s only saying he wants to be a Stag so that later he can use this against me to sleep with other women” – I worried about this a lot in the beginning.  I knew I didn’t have any desire to see “D” with another woman, and I couldn’t imagine how he would be happy with me “doing things” and not eventually wanting to do things himself.

4. “This goes against what I thought I wanted out of life” – This is a big one…the societal confines of “tradition”.  I had been taught my entire life that when you find “the one” then you’re only supposed to be with him and no one else.  I had a lot of personal guilt over being dirty, slutty, less wholesome, less pure and less “marriage material”, because I had done these non-traditional things.  I felt like “D” was going to have fun with me for a while and eventually leave me for a “good girl”, you know, the kind you can “take home to mom and dad”…and I wanted to be that girl he “took home to mom and dad”.

5. “This is a fetish and it’s going to lead to other kinks and fetishes” – Another thing that worried me in the beginning…  In my marriage, my previous husband was abusive, a porn addict, cheated on me and was into every kink known to man.  When one thing would get boring, he would move on to the next, and it’s a struggle not to believe that by living this lifestyle, “D” isn’t going to want to do more, and more, and eventually I’ll look back and regret opening that door.  I’m sure this is something a lot of women can relate to.

By him – she covered this well also. I think much of the adult content on the internet (Tumblr, etc) could easily turn a woman off to this lifestyle. The idea of gangbangs, gagging, bukake, giant, monstrous cocks, and the terms and captions associated with a lot of what you see, such as cheating, slutty, whore, cum dumpster, etc., are all highly degrading terms that neither of us care for. I personally don’t think most women would find that sexy at all. Overall, the woman needs to feel as if she has some control, some power, and genuinely has a degree of sexual liberation rather than being objectified or degraded. I truly believe lifestyle activities can be tasteful, classy, and done in a passionate, non-degrading manner.

 

Q: What are 5 things a husband can do to help increase the levels of intimacy in his relationship with his wife?

A: By Her – Great question!  1. Listen to her. – If you listen with curiosity and an open mind to your partner’s hopes, dreams and fears, she is going to feel intimately connected to you.

2. Don’t pressure her. – I know you’re excited about getting your lady into the lifestyle, but this is a “long game” not something that’s going to happen overnight.  The more pressure you put on her, and the more you push her to do something she’s not ready for, the more scared and resentful she’ll become.

3. Be patient. – Take it easy and take it slow…in life and in the lifestyle.  Your lady isn’t going to think the same way that you do, because you’re a man and she’s a woman.  Try to understand her, love her and support her, rather than becoming frustrated, irritated or dissatisfied.

4. Grand romantic gestures. – BIG one here.  Women like romance, plain and simple.  If she’s willing to step outside of her comfort zone and try something you have suggested, then put in the same effort to romance the HELL out of her in any way that you can.  Tell her you love her, touch her, kiss her in public, do those little things that you know she loves even if they aren’t particularly interesting or comfortable for you…because she deserves it!

5. Always be respectful and loving.  – Seems like this goes without saying, but it often gets overlooked by a lot of men.  I lucked out with “D” in this regard, but it isn’t usually the case.  Respect your lady, act protective of her, make sure she knows that you are the center of her universe and that you will do anything to keep her in your life and make her happy.

And to tie it all up…  The things I mentioned above are all “mental…and this is where “physical arousal” starts for a woman, in case you didn’t know (a little secret for you guys).  ?  Once you have her mentally aroused, she’s going to be physically aroused…and that’s when you show her that even though she may get to be with other men, none are going to be able to compare to you!

By him – exactly what she said!


I'd like to thank S & D for participating in this interview with us and sharing their experiences. If you haven't already, check out their Tumblr at https://oursexyexploration.tumblr.com/ for some really erotic REAL and ORIGINAL content. Last but not leady, Kudos to them for the quality of their photography, and of course to "S's" very sexy body. If you have any other questions for them, feel free to ask them below!

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4 Comments

  • Jan Nel

    Reply Reply May 6, 2017

    This couple has come a long way. I wish we are as far as they are, but it is still going to take a wile for us.

  • Laurie

    Reply Reply May 8, 2017

    I have read your articles and I wish I would have read sooner it’s helping me to understand a lot of things

    • Dr. 36

      Reply Reply May 8, 2017

      Hi Laurie,
      I’m glad you’re finding the articles useful! Care to comment on what they’re helping you understand?

  • nick6r2000

    Reply Reply April 19, 2018

    Wife and I are just starting our journey together bringing the Hotwife aspect into our relationship, individual lives, our life together. I researched and then had the conversation. She then also researched. We have agreed to go into this with the intent this will make us closer, better sex, more happiness. I love this interview. I am going to use it as a mentoring refresher by reading it several time over the next few months. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Cheers.

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