If you could only read one interview on this site, I’d tell you to read this one. Why?
Because it portrays in the most realistic light possible what it’s actually like to live the hotwifing / cuckolding lifestyle.
Those of you who are already in the lifestyle will find quite a few things that resonate with your experiences, thoughts, and feelings on an almost scary “spot on” level. And those of you who haven’t yet indulged in the “forbidden/taboo” pleasures of exploring extra-marital relationship arrangements will learn quite a bit of “unspoken truths”.
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea though; they’re not _bad _truths or anything; they’re just _real. _For example, it’s _real _to worry about your wife’s safety when she goes to meet someone she met online, even if it’s in a public place. It’s _real _for a wife to feel guilty about spending time with her date when she could be spending that time with you and your children together. It’s _real _that the guy your hotwife is fucking in the hotel room might not be comfortable with the idea of her taking pictures to send you.
These are things that the Tumblr & Twitter memes you see floating around on the internet won’t tell you. By the same token, they’re also things that are pretty helpful to know, both for the fact that it shows you what to possibly expect if you haven’t been down this road yet, and to validate your experiences in a “Hey, I know what they’re talking about!” kind of way if you have.
Without further ado, I’d like to introduce the graciously and candidly open Tumblr couple Hotwifebegins. I hope you enjoy their interview!
Q: How did you get started in the stag & vixen lifestyle?
A: Her - We started out swinging as a couple about 8 years ago. That started out from us talking about fantasies of having a threesome with another woman, but since that was next to impossible to find, we decided to play as a couple. We also had some threesomes with another guy a few times. Then we decided to try a polyamory/open marriage type of relationship, which didn’t go well at all. That combined with complicated life situations resulted in us taking a break off of it all for a few years.
About a year ago, he started mentioning how he thought it would be sexy for me to hook up with another guy. I didn’t believe him AT ALL at first. I wasn’t opposed to it, because I knew from our previous swinging experience how hot it could be, but it took some convincing for me to understand that he was serious about it. I would say it took a couple of months for me to seriously start looking for people to meet.
Him- Exactly what she said.
Q: You mentioned in one of your recent text posts that many mistakes were made and lessons learned. What kinds of mistakes did the two of you make, and what lessons did you learn from them?
A: Her - I am staying away from much younger guys. As much of an ego boost as it is to have a guy be interested who is much younger, it has never worked out, I don’t know what the deal is, but I’ve been stood up by them, or they vanish into thin air. So, I think I’m going to stick to the 35 and up crowd.
I also don’t know that this was really MY mistake, but one of the guys I met with was completely weirded out by me taking pics and videos and me sending them to my husband. I had put that into the open that it would happen that way, but I don’t know if he didn’t believe me or didn’t pay attention. So, we met up, and I gave him a blow job, and he immediately left afterwards, without even touching me. So, I make sure it’s REALLY clear what I am planning on doing now.
Another lesson that I am constantly working on is working on my story telling when I get back home. I am not the most talkative person in the world, and it is a learning process for me! I am fine with taking pictures and video but putting it into words for whatever reason is difficult for me.
Him - Be patient! Sometimes you can get caught up in that adrenaline/libido rush that you think you need to have it all the time! Don’t get caught in that. I did. I would constantly talk about it and not really see that she didn’t want to talk about it. I had to, and still have to, learn to tone it back. A little bit anyway, I still sometimes get a bit over excited.
And what she says up there, completely. I wish there was an easy screening process lol. We are learning with each other as we go. Sometimes we don’t agree but we work it out.
Q: What kinds of things did you learn about regarding trust as you’ve taken your journey down this path?
A: Her - It took me awhile to actually trust that he meant he was for real about me becoming a hotwife. Even after my first date, I was still convinced he was going to be angry at me for actually doing it. Once I realized that isn’t the case, it’s been amazing to know that I have the freedom that I have, and that he knows I am always coming back home to him after.
Him - I trust her completely and without hesitation. So I think if anything this has reaffirmed and strengthened my trust in her.
Q: Can describe what your first official stag & vixen experience was like for each of you (the one where the two of you didn’t get stood up)?
A: Her - Yeah the first one was me being stood up by a 24 year old, one of the reasons for my 35 and up rule lol.
The first one that actually worked out was with a guy I met through swinglifestyle.com. He is very experienced in the swinging lifestyle, and in an open relationship himself. I met him for coffee one evening and he was an absolute gentleman and put my mind totally at ease. He happened to be my first BBC experience, which isn’t something I was specifically seeking out, but also not something I was ever opposed to, it just worked out that way.
So when we met up a few weeks later for our first real date, I was insanely nervous not knowing how my husband would react, if I would even be able to go through with it. But once I got naked and saw this guys huge package, yeah, those thoughts went away for awhile ;) It was amazing.
I was so worried about making sure I was texting back what was going on, and sending pics and not leaving my husband out. I had a wonderful time, but I was also anxious to get back home. Once I got home, I was terrified he was going to be so pissed off, but obviously it didn’t happen that way! Showing him all the pics and videos and reliving my first BBC experience with him was great once I realized he wasn’t mad. We both went to bed exhausted that night ;)
Him - Well from my perspective I was a hot mess LOL! It was crazy, my mind was racing, emotions on maximum overdrive. I can tell you that if you ever try this lifestyle, without a doubt, the first time your wife goes out with another man, and you KNOW what they’re going to do…. you experience every single emotion. All at once! It can drive you mad lol. But it was amazing! Especially once the pics started coming. Seeing how satisfied and happy she was when she got back was amazing! That’s why I do this, to give her what she wants, and the things that I can’t.
My biggest fear was that he would do something harmful to her. Luckily that didn’t happen. She’s been with him 2 more times since then and he’s really a great guy. But holy shit the sex when she got home….. WOW! It was an incredible night and yes, we did go to bed exhausted that night.
Q: What’s it like to explore this fantasy in real life? What are the best parts, and what are the most challenging parts?
A: Her - Best parts: having my husband think I’m the sexiest thing on Earth! Getting to experience things I normally wouldn’t, like BBC. The incredible sex we have when I get home!
Challenging parts: I feel like I could write a book on this alone lol. We have kids who are in activities in school, we both work full time, and we live in a pretty rural area, so finding people to meet and times to meet can feel like another job somedays. I pretty much have to look in a 60 mile radius to find anyone who I am attracted to and who is open to the idea, so it just makes the logistics of meeting up more complicated. Plus the fact that I can’t really have anyone over in my home, because of the family, usually I am having to meet in a hotel, which gets expensive!
Him - Best parts: the sex! Seeing her being wanted and desired by so many other guys is a rush for me and I love it. Seeing her realize that she IS that desirable is awesome! Knowing that I can give her everything she desires, sexually, or at least give her the freedom to go get it.
Challenging parts: As she said, scheduling, finding free time. And finding guys that aren’t total flakes or just idiots lol. Getting her to communicate better about things she feels and thinks.
Q: How do you make sure the fantasy doesn’t ever wind up becoming dangerous where it could negatively impact your own relationship in some way?
A: Her - One of my biggest fears is that I am going to hook up with someone claiming to be single who isn’t really and their significant other comes after me for being a “homewrecker” and tries to create drama in my life when I am desperately trying to avoid that. So I am very particular with people I meet to try to avoid that. Obviously if they are lying to their significant other and me, I can’t do much about that, but if they are honest enough to tell me they are married, I politely tell them no thanks.
I am also super conscious, maybe TOO much sometimes, that my dates aren’t interfering with our time as a family. I can feel very guilty about it sometimes!
Him - My biggest fear is that she’ll get hooked up with this awesome guy, talks the great game, and then he assaults her. I know she can take care of herself and takes precaution, but it’s always in the back of my mind and doesn’t ease up until that first text. Then I know she’ll be ok.
As far as dangerous for us as a couple, I think communication is key. After every date we’ll talk about it very often and not always in a sexy way, but talking about things she wants to change, how she felt, how I felt, etc. Talking, texting, whatever you have to do, DO IT! If you don’t do it then you are putting your relationship in jeopardy I think.
Q: Does the idea of your vixen developing feelings for one of her lovers appeal to you at all? Does it appeal to her? If so why, and if not why not?
A: Her - It does appeal to me, like I said before we had tried to have a more polyamorous relationship at one point, but it didn’t work out. I am OK with him having a relationship apart from me, but I have zero interest in hearing the sexual details of it, it’s not at all a turn on for me. But he is the opposite, in that he’s OK with the sexual details, but not anything more than that. So, unless we are on the same page, it’s not something that is on the table. At this point, I am not really sure I want to go down the poly road again anyway, so if this turned out to be an issue in the future, I would have to be honest with everyone and work it out. My marriage is my #1 priority and always has been.
Him - Not one bit lol. As you can see by her answer this is where we differ greatly. I’m ok with sharing her body with someone but not sharing her heart. I’m greedy like that. Like she said we tried the poly road before and in all honestly I thought I could deal with it. But once I could see that she was catching feelings for him…. It drove me crazy. I just simply couldn’t deal with that aspect of it. I personally don’t think I’ll ever want to go down that road again.
Q: What it like having your naked body on the internet for thousands of people to see and get off to?
A: Her - To be quite honest, I feel very VERY weird about it lol. I approve all of the pics he posts beforehand, if not there would be ALOT more than what there are. I’m a 40 year old working mom, it’s odd to me sometimes to think that anyone wants to see me naked besides my husband. I try to be less self-conscious about myself, no one is perfect. But at times I struggle with it. Having a husband who thinks you’re the sexiest thing on Earth helps though!
Him - I know this question isn’t for me but I fucking LOVE IT!!!!! I want the whole world to know what a sexy ass woman she is!
Q: Now that the two of you have done this a few times, do you have a typical “process” more or less that you follow that goes from start to finish to make sure all this happens safely?
A: Her - In some ways yes, but not always. He always knows the address of where I am going if he isn’t going to be there too. And the name of the person I am meeting. I have had some dates I met before hand, and some I just met and went straight to naked. And I’ve had good and bad both ways, so I am not sure which I prefer yet.
Him - what she’s said sums it up quite nicely. We’re still learning. Trying different ways. Once we find a definite way to do it we’ll let you know lol.
Q: Does the idea of her being taken by more than 3 men at the same time appeal to either of you? If not, what are some things on this path that you’d like to explore in the future but haven’t yet? A: Her - YES! I don’t know that it will ever happen, but it’s fun to think about ;) Him - OMG YES! Guys where you at???
Not only do I want to thank Hotwifebegins for doing this interview and sharing their experiences with us, but I’d also like to reveal that their interview served as the inspiration for me to create a series of memes for Tumblr & Twitter that I call _The Unspoken Truths of Hotwifing / Cuckolding. _(For those of you don’t know, I have a Tumblr which can be found by clicking here and I also have a Twitter that can be found by clicking here.
Disclaimer: both have the occasional NSFW post on them. Much of the content I post you can find here, but there are some gems you’ll only be able to find on my Tumblr and Twitter, such as the new _Unspoken Truth _post series.
Speaking of Tumblrs, if you haven’t already, I encourage all of you to check out our interviewees’ Tumblr which can be found here: https://hotwifebegins.tumblr.com/. It has some fantastic content along with some more in depth looks into their escapades. Enjoy!