Although I’m not sure of the exact reasons, I am sure that a woman’s beauty isn’t enough to draw me to her anymore. To be fair though, beauty is common, ya know? At least it is when you see 40k images a day scroll by in Cuckold Chat. (Is #pornblindness a thing? :-) )
Anyway, my point in saying this is that it usually takes something special to capture my attention. This particular interviewee definitely had that something special.
You see late one night, as I was browsing my Twitter feed, a particular young lady’s post jolted my Reticular Activating System out of it’s usual same-ol’-same-ol’-tweet-induced somnambulistic state. Her tweet was unapologetically raw, fierce almost. But in a good way.
So I clicked on her profile to see some more of her tweets and it became instantly apparent to me she was someone I was going to like.
To be clear, she’s a freakin’ devilishly pretty girl with a gaze and a smile that arrests your attention on her as the periphery world around you goes dark. And as you stare back at only her, you get this feeling that she’d use your soul as a welcome mat to her house and not think a thing of it—aside from maybe that you would be lucky to give it to her.
Her name is FindomCiara, aka Literally God. She’s a Fin-Femdomme who has an absolutely excellent handle on the psychology behind D/s dynamics, one of the best I’ve seen in my time. And THAT, ladies & gents, is what drew me to her and made me want to interview her for the site. But instead of flapping my gums about her, see for yourself by reading the below interview she did for us.
Q: What does it mean to you to be a Domme? What does it mean to be a sub? Can any woman be a Domme, and can any man be a sub?
A: I believe in a natural hierarchy of the world, where subservience should be an intelligent and individual choice. Mainly, dominating someone is defined by having more control over your desires than they do. We are all human and want to seize what we crave without concern for self-discipline. To remain dominant over the submissive(s), you must always be in control of this eagerness and withhold “fun stuff” until the submissive fully surrenders and is begging for you to seize more ground. In this same way, you have to teach the submissive self-discipline and insist on restraint, as many have no concept of control and end up bouncing from one BDSM dynamic to another. This carelessness will subconsciously ruin the dynamic and tire them out, leaving them ultimately unsatisfied, so you must save them from themselves.
I don’t believe that any woman can be a successful Domme, and I don’t think that any man can be a successful submissive. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and what your intentions and wants are. If you fetishize believing everyone on the planet should treat you like dirt, then your path will be easy, because every ounce of exploitation is a bonus. However, for most people in BDSM, I suggest going slowly and submitting only to people you genuinely believe are superior to you. Be picky and take your time, I promise the pay-off will be well worth the wait. Healthy, thriving submissiveness and dominance takes a lot of time, honesty, effort, and emotional intelligence. If you do not understand and are not a master of your own emotions, you will have trouble succeeding in your role long-term.
Q: What makes you different from all the other female Dommes out there?
A: I find that I get along with many successful, dominant women who have intellectualized BDSM similarly as I have. We look different, have different styles, yet agree on and succeed with the same general philosophy. For some submissives, I am everything they have been searching for, and for others, I am not the right flavour. In the second case, I do my best to point them in the right direction, as I am familiar with an array of Dommes and their personalities. Why waste resources on the wrong investment? It isn’t my style.
Q: Do you believe women are inherently/innately superior to men? If so, why?
A: I do not, to a comical degree. My close friends, in and out of BDSM, voice that I am surprisingly misogynistic for a “superior woman”. This innate hatred towards the fickleness of my fellow women makes me surprisingly popular with female submissives, as I can get inside of their head and exploit their weaknesses. However, as you can imagine, this does not make me popular with random Dommes who demand my submission or respect. I believe many people lack emotional intelligence, insight, foresight and objective perception. Dominant women exist, and they have mastered their own emotions to seize control of the weaker population. The terms “Alpha” and “beta” are not predisposed by gender, sex, race, ethnicity, age, body, or aesthetics. The brain is the only important factor.
Q: When did you first get into this lifestyle? What was your path of learning to understand the simple yet complex dynamics of D/s?
A: In the summer of 2018, I went through a lot of life-changing trauma. These events led to me being quite isolated, bored and with a lot of time on my hands. I started in the BDSM scene on Instagram as a submissive, funny enough. I got into weekly disagreements with customers, other submissive accounts, and was generally dissatisfied with the results. In December of 2018, I started exploring the Dominant side of BDSM and found myself more fulfilled and in control of my goals and wants. It became apparent to me that, although I enjoy occasionally relinquishing control, I am an elitist and struggle with submitting to 99.99% of these “dominant people”. It is difficult to find someone worthy of submission when you have an ego as big as mine. Participating in BDSM has become a necessary part of my healthy and happy lifestyle. I can now consensually exploit, abuse, or nurture people who crave it. In 2019, I had found private BDSM dynamics that fulfill me, and have grown as a Domme and a person. I better understand the complicated nuances of BDSM through my adult work, speaking with other intelligent Doms, and learning directly from my experienced, dominant partner.
Q: What are 3 of the biggest thrills/enjoyments you get out of being a dome? A:
- I am making a living off of a job that I intensely enjoy. There are many bonuses to working for yourself and from home.
- I get to put people through extremely unfair situations for my benefit, and they thank me for it.
- I am psychotically sadistic and get to live out almost all of my fantasies, with the correct planning and due diligence, of course. Many people are unfulfilled or ashamed of their erotic desires.
Q: What are some of the most common experiences men ask you to provide them with/fetishes men ask you to gratify? Where do you think the need for such experiences comes from/why do they have these particular fetishes?
A: Small penis humiliation:
This fetish includes degrading, humiliating and ridiculing a man for having a small, unsatisfactory penis. It is most common for men with cocks of 7" and under to seek out this verbal abuse. Practically and in pop culture, “bigger is better” is a common term, and for many women, this applies to penises. It is highly likely that these men have had sexual partners mock them, passively or aggressively, and seek out reenacting this shame and emasculation. By experiencing it in concentrated amounts, it helps them to accept the line of truth in the degradation and have control over their insecurity. The next time someone important to them tries to hurt them by saying they are sexually inadequate, they will be less affected because they will already know and accept it as an unchangeable flaw.
This fetish includes sexualizing, and sometimes “forcing” (fake coercing) men to be feminine sluts. This fetish commonly goes along with interest in their feminized photos being exposed for strangers to see. Children are ripped from their parents and put into a school where they not only have to navigate the education system but also the social climate of pubescent teenagers. Teachers, dating female classmates, sports, and living up to high expectations, emasculates many young men. Being forced or encouraged to suck cock, do anal play, wear “girly” clothing, and do other degrading things helps them regress and come to terms with the fact that they do not live up to the pressure of being a man. Subconsciously, many men are taught that the most humiliating thing possible is to be a man who is a bimbo fuck doll. They spend a lot of energy avoiding this improbable fate and overwhelm themselves with self-doubt. For some, the only way to overcome this is to become it, and with proper guidance, they can destroy their idolization of masculinity and build up to be a better version of themselves. Others simply enjoy sucking cock.
Q: Do you have a significant other? If so, what role if any does that play in your profession? If not, why not?
A: Yes, I do, I have a long-term boyfriend. He exists only as a fantasy to my customers and does not wish to be involved in any tangible sense, so I respect that. Yes, he thinks the men who pay me are actual losers, and yes, it turns those men on to know my boyfriend is disgusted by them.
Q: Some of your comments on Twitter have generated some “controversy” now and again. Is this intentional on your part? What are two of the most misunderstood tweets/comments you’ve made, and why do you feel people couldn’t get the real meaning of what you were saying?
A: Well, due to my laissez-faire attitude towards morality and ethics in BDSM, and often confrontational opinions, I don’t get along with many Dommes. However, that may be a skewed opinion, as the people who disagree are usually louder than the ones that agree. I also try not to take the internet very seriously. I am self-aware and realize that my posts are going to catalyze some reaction from people. Modern society is teaching people to respond to confusion or conflict with subjective, angry outbursts instead of calm, objective thinking. And this isn’t to call all people who disagree with me “pussies” because I am definitely, unarguably an asshole. I have open conversations with anyone, as long as my opinion will be of equal merit and importance as theirs. There needs to be mutual respect to have a civil discourse; however, many people feel as though my public posts are a personal attack against them, even if they are generalized statements, so this usually does not work out.
This tweet existed as a connection to the subconscious petty, judgmental side of working in aesthetics. Sex workers aren’t always attractive. I was doing at the time to entertain myself and posted about it, wondering if others do the same, and subverting a satiric view of how egotistical and audacious it is. Many people agreed and thought it was hilarious. They laugh at others for being ugly and laugh at themselves for giving in to shallowness and sinful behaviour. This blatant, hypothetical disrespect struck a nerve with some people. I don’t believe that anyone who was triggered by this post considered that it was purely speculative, no one was tagged, and no one was getting hurt. We were laughing at the idea of anonymous, non-existent, ugly sex workers. Some people said that I am a nasty person on the inside and should be ashamed of myself. I don’t see it this way. I am selective in who I am amicable to and embrace my flaws so I can master them. Negative thoughts and emotions are part of the human condition and denying you are capable of having any is moral narcissism at best. Others turned to social vigilantism in response to this post; calling me ugly, fat, and other insults. In this case, I think those people should consider why their morality is only applicable to those they like. They saw my tweet about calling people ugly as abusive, and thought, “I have to bully this person to teach them a lesson about bullying.” The lack of principles is absurdly hypocritical, in my opinion. I own up to being an asshole. They deny it. So who is worse?
Anyways, my response to this was trolling, as in, leaning into the satire to exacerbate an already volatile situation. I made a video with background music and posed, telling people that being ugly was a disease and they should go to the doctor for a cure. This satire went over the head of many agitated people and angered them further. However, it did become a running joke, and I had a lot of laughs with those who support me. I don’t regret posting this and would not deal with it differently in the future.
This tweet existed in response to the popularization of GoFundMe’s and begging for bills to be covered by sex workers on Twitter, usually ones that are not well-established, but occasionally one that is. I believe that hard work and perseverance are the key to bettering any situation by any degree. Many people agreed with this post and took from it the ideas that applied to their circumstances. Almost all negative consequences in life can be avoided through long-term and short-term planning, foresight, insight and basic perception. I believe that we tell people, “there is nothing you could have done,” to feel better about ending up with dire consequences. This is not a universal statement, and there are endless hypotheticals one can make up to disprove it. However, even if someone is in a circumstance that they cannot possibly get out of, having hope that they can better their lives to a degree with persistence and resolution is not a negative mantra. Blindly believing and enacting that will allow many people to overcome obstacles that slay the morale of others. Even if surviving is the only answer, it should be with hope for a better future. I speak from a place of experience, having overcome a lot of physical and mental obstacles in life.
Of course, anonymous Twitter disagreed with this and split into two groups. The first one is survivors of trauma who had their pain catalyzed and responded with anger. I completely understand this and empathize with them. I took the time to discuss the post with each person and had generally positive results. These people recognized that I was not saying, “die quietly,” but instead criticizing those who are perpetual victims, lazy or irresponsible. The second group are the eternal victims who accused me of being unscathed from and inexperienced with trauma and blamed me, capitalism, or some other force for the failure of the human race. I participated in fair discourse with the people who considered my opinion to be of equal importance to theirs and ignored those who wanted to hurl insults or patronize me. Mostly, people end up blocking me because I don’t conform to their ideologies.
Blocking used to be used to isolate people who were actively trying to harass and contact someone. Now, it is used to censor anyone controversial and keep them from speaking their opinions. There are people I have never talked to or heard of who vehemently hate me, have me blocked and post about me. I no longer participate in this societal norm of ostracization and censorship, and actively unblock people who I once blocked out of pettiness or anger. I want to live in a world where people have objective rhetoric and censor-free discussions, so that is the world I cultivate.
Q: In general, have you found there to be an average “type” of man who seeks to submit to you or to women in general? (For example, there’s the notion that most men who seek out services from Dominatrices such as yourself often occupy high positions of power in their professional lives.)
A: I agree with the general assumption that many CEOs have secret Dominatrixes, but the reality is, there aren’t that many CEOs to go around. Powerful men with a lot of responsibility, presumably in their romantic, family and work life, seek refuge and safety like everybody else. They are only human. However, I speculate that finding someone trustworthy who will not expose their intimate secrets is difficult. Who better than a Dominatrix, who will bond with them, fulfill their fantasies and happily take income in return for confidentiality? Many men, especially those with taboo interests, have no desire to involve their wives, whom they met and thrive with under very different circumstances. It only makes sense to have a literal Mistress fill this role. Back to the first point, I don’t find any typical attributes make up a submissive man. Monetized sexual experiences are sought out by the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich. It is a profession that supersedes time, class, tax bracket, gender and social norms. I have had men come to me who are genuinely losers, as in, I have nothing positive to say about them at all, and men who are classy, stoic, charming and successful. A sexual release can be anyone’s vice. It makes the most sense to consider how many people smoke, do narcotics, drink, gamble, etc. Paying sex workers is another vice, and luckily, it can have a very positive outcome.
Q: What are 2-3 of the biggest misconceptions about sex work and/or findom? Where do you think these misconceptions come from?
A: 1) It’s easy money. This is both intentionally and unintentionally portrayed. In the fetish of financial domination, which is domination through the control of finances, many people lure submissives in by claiming they are “effortlessly” taking money from weak men. This claim is a false narrative. Our substantial income exists because of strict branding; quality content; investing and cultivating dynamics with submissives; and, usually, branching out into other fetishes. Making it look easy is part of the facade, it’s just a drop of honey on the flytrap. This same idea can be perpetuated, unintentionally, from successful women in other areas of sex work — for example, OnlyFans models. A stranger stumbles across an attractive and successful OnlyFans model showing off her body, and they click on her page. Her subscription price is $15/month, and she is celebrating getting 1,000 subscribers. Holy crap! This girl is showing her boobs and making $15,000 a month while they work their ass off for a fraction of the cost? That would seem very unfair and would reinforce an idea that is “showing your boobs = thousands of dollars a month,” when the reality is, all of the hard work mentioned above goes into creating and sustaining this income. Many sex workers, including myself, work 6+ days a week, 12+ hours a day to establish their brand and passive revenue. Then, after years of hard work and a bit of luck, it looks effortless.
A model’s entire personality is their online persona. Sometimes, customers divulge their romantic feelings to a sex worker and wish to pursue a relationship with them. For many people, including myself, their online persona is a polished and exaggerated part of our real personality, but it is not our entirety. We have emotions, needs, wants, dreams, and desires that far surpass BDSM. Someone who is seeking us for services is unlikely able to fulfill our needs outside of the dynamic. Another widespread assumption is that all sadistic, mean Dommes are terrible people in their personal lives. Many of us are genuinely kind, good-humoured people with fulfilling lives, careers, charity work, families and friends. Are we going to break character to appease someone who is triggered by brutishness? No. It is not the offended person we are trying to win over; it is the people who are watching the interaction. If we are a bitch to one stranger, it tells 50 other strangers that we are cold-hearted, ruthless and mean. This behaviour entices interaction from people looking for that treatment. I have made jokes about this before, but submissives genuinely hope that we are as monstrous as our reputation suggests.
All sex workers charge the same. No, I’m not going to show you my asshole for $20, I’m not even going to show it to you for $200. However, I possess a very long list of dominant and nondominant women who can provide quality content within your price range, and, if you ask nicely, I will gladly point you in their direction.
Q: What are 3-5 things you like doing for fun when you’re not busy dominating and manipulating your clients?
A: 1) When I’m not working, I really (x46) like to interact with my cats. I have two cats named Akio and Callie, and they are both needy babies who have no concern for personal space or quiet time to film. One time, in the middle of a BDSM text session, Akio rubbed a stinky dump all over the floor, and I had to postpone. Yikes!
I am a self-taunt, professional-level realism artist. I pick up this hobby when I have the time and energy. My plans include becoming a realism tattoo artist and running a tattoo shop. Yes, I am going to tattoo my name on losers, and yes, I hope they kind of regret it. Tattoos can be covered, but that shame will remain forever.
I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. We usually watch old movies together, he amazes me with his encompassing knowledge, and then I… Well, I’ll save the rest for the cuckolds.
When the weather permits, I enjoy going on long walks outside, usually to get a cappuccino and pet dogs. Animals are the last innocent part of life.
I want to thank FindomCiara for taking the time to do this interview with us. If you’re interested in developing a new addiction/uncontrollable infatuation, I highly suggest you check out her Twitter which can be found here: https://twitter.com/FindomCiara or her other sites: https://allmylinks.com/findomciara