low female sex drive

An Exclusive Interview – 16 Years Without A Sex Drive  4.6/5 (5)

Meet Cray. Cray is a hero in his own right. Why?

Because he managed to get through a 16 year period where his wife had absolutely no sex drive.

Yes, you read that right. For 16 whole years, his wife had no sex drive.

But today, Cray and his wife have a very fulfilling sex life and even live the hotwife lifestyle, thanks to one simple discovery that turned out to be the root cause behind his wife’s lack of sexual desire. Read the interview below to find out what it was.

The Interview

Q: Can you give us a bit of background regarding your relationship?

A: My wife and I have been married 27 years. We fell in love in our early 20’s, and we’ve always had a great married life. People that know us think of us as ‘an awesome couple’, because of how well we get along. We really don’t argue or fight like other couples, not because of weakness on one of our parts, but because we both don’t like fighting. Not that things have been perfect. But as marriages go, ours has been pretty outstanding.


Q: How did you get started in the hotwifing lifestyle?

A: During the 16 years that my wife suffered from a lack of desire for sex, my own desire to see her enjoy sex became stronger and stronger. I love seeing my wife in sexual bliss, so the worse things got, the more I fantasized about her. Eventually I even started fantasizing about her being seduced by another man… (i.e. if she didn’t find me sexually desirable, maybe some other man would light that spark.)

Of course, that was just fantasy… I have no desire at all to be secondary to anyone, or to be considered a cuckold or to be denied. I’m just not built that way… I love sex, and I have an extremely high sex drive myself, so I would never be happy being in a cuckold situation. But sharing my wife did become something that I could consider, as long as I was not denied or disrespected.


Q: What was it like to go for 16 years of your wife not wanting sex?

A: This was extremely difficult for me. Not just from neglect, but emotionally it took a toll, as well. I felt rejected. I did my best to be considerate, but I have a very high sex drive, and frankly the only thing that probably saved me was masturbation. If I hadn’t gotten relief that way, I very likely would have been driven to cheating. My wife even suggested I take a lover. I thought she was joking, but she later told me that she was serious. She understood what I was going through, and she wouldn’t have held it against me if I had taken a lover. I didn’t want to be that guy, though. I truly love my wife like no other, and intimacy with her is miles better than anyone I have ever been with, before or after being married.


Q: What were some of the reasons your wife would give you for not being interested in sex?

A: She never had a real reason; she just didn’t feel any desire for sex. No sex drive at all. There is a very good chance she suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her father when she was young; she has no memory of it, but we know that both her older and younger sisters were sexually abused by him when young, so we think that perhaps she suffered from suppressed memories, but we can’t be sure. As it stands, she is happier not knowing. I have not pushed her to seek a psychiatrist; she doesn’t want to think about those years, and I want her to be happy. However, we did investigate possible medical reasons for her condition.


Q: What were some of the unsuccessful methods/ways you tried to remedy the problem?

A: We tried testosterone therapy, as we discovered her testosterone levels were non-existent. That helped a little, but only briefly. She was on testosterone therapy for about six or seven years before we found the combination of things that made a difference.


Q: How did you discover the real problem was a combination of celiac disease, low testosterone (zero), and hypothyroidism?

A: It was step by step. First we discovered the low testosterone. Then, about four years later, we discovered her problem with gluten. That started to improve her health. And then, her doctor noticed a couple of symptoms that indicated she might be suffering from a thyroid issue, and a quick test discovered hypothyroidism. Medicating for that was extremely simple, but I had no idea how many things the thyroid affects in a woman’s body. A couple of months after starting her medication, her desire levels started to return, and then they came back with TEETH. Sex went from maybe once a month of ‘lets get this over with’, to sex every day, many times with several sessions in a day. I was in heaven.


Q: Without getting too technical or scientific, how would you explain to the average person how these health issues can affect the female libido?

The gluten issue affects digestion and results in stomach pain. Low testosterone has an impact on sexual desire. And the thyroid glad affects many things in woman’s body, including libido.


Q: What are the top 5 pieces of advice you’d share with men who are in relationships where their wife doesn’t have a high sex drive (or no sex drive at all)?

A: 1) Talk. Don’t assume your wife is doing it on purpose. There is a very good chance she is aware of the problem, but doesn’t know what to say. You need to be loving and supportive, and let her know you desire her. Assure her of your love, and that you want to be with her, not someone else.

2) Make sure you help your wife around the house with things that might be contributing to her lack of desire. Exhaustion is a serious contributor!

3) Ask her about her desires. Her fantasies. Don’t think you know your wife… you may be very surprised at what secret desires she has. I know that after 20 years of marriage to a woman I loved like no other, I would have bet my life that she would NEVER consider doing something like swinging, swapping, or having sex with another man. I was wrong. At first, my wife claimed she had no fantasies. Six months later, she told me that they were private. And six months after that, she admitted she had been fantasizing about having sex with another man, but she was terrified to admit it. She thought I would hate her for it. You have to let your wife understand that her desires are safe with you… that you aren’t going to use them against her.

4) Make sure she understands your desires, too.

5) Don’t give up. Keep trying. If you love your wife, keep trying. Change IS possible. Our relationship is proof.

I'm not a medical doctor, nor should you take anything on this website as medical advice. What I can tell you thought is that gluten sensitivities are more common than one might think, and so are female problems related to hypothyroidism--especially sex drive. Why is this important?

Because if there's an underlying medical/biological condition going on, then it won't much matter what you do to get your wife interested in sex. For advice related to some of the things you can do to increase your wife's sex drive, check out this article: Does Your Wife Have Low Sex Drive?

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