Will Your Wife Leave You For Her Lover? 5/5 (2)

One of the biggest fears about going down the cuckolding/hotwifing path has to do with the idea of your wife leaving you for her lover. After all, it’s a terrifying thought. You love your wife more than anything, and so the last thing you’d ever want to do is have something like this blow up in your face by having your wife leave you. It’s also a very big part of the reason why a lot of men don’t make it past the contemplation stage in The 4 Stages Of Being A Wannabe Cuck.

But there’s something important about this fear, and it has to do with how most people misperceive it in their heads. They view their wife leaving them as an event (or process) that just inexorably “happens”; that it can’t be prevented; that it’s just some inherent risk no matter how you structure things should you decide to go down the cuckolding/hotwifing path with your wife. This is a misperception, plain and simple.

More specifically, it’s a myth perpetuated by a fear based narrative.

You see, wives leaving their cuckold husbands for one of their lovers doesn’t just “happen” by chance. It’s not some uncontrollable event/process that a man has to helplessly experience. Why?

Because if you look at the large majority of situations where the relationship implodes and the wife does happen to leave the husband, it’s almost a guarantee that one or more of the following things I’m about to talk about went wrong.

And the good news about these things is that they are ALL controllable. You can affect and therefore prevent every single one of them, thereby almost virtually eliminating the chances of your wife leaving you if you pursue a cuckolding or hotwifing arrangement. Let’s take a look at what these things are.


1) The Lack Of A Solid Intimacy Foundation

Do you know those couples who decide they should have a baby because it’ll bring them closer to each other or even “save their relationship”? While I’m sure maybe some people out there have had such an experience, for the large majority of couples, having children is one of the most stressful (if not the most stressful) things that a relationship could experience.

And if you don’t have a solid foundation going into an experience like that, then the odds for the longevity of your relationship don’t look good.

It’s the same thing here. If you don’t have a solid intimacy foundation in your relationship before getting into a cuckolding or hotwifing arrangement, then you’re rolling the dice on whether or not it’ll blow up in your face. So how do you know if you have a solid intimacy foundation?

Wrong question.

The question you want to ask is “how can I build the foundation I already have into what it needs to be, and keep it that way?” The easy answer is to work with me, because I always make sure to help my clients get their intimacy foundation to where it needs to be as a first step. If you’d prefer some do-it-yourself techniques, keep reading because I get into that towards the end of the article.

Bottom line is this. Lacking a solid intimacy foundation before exploring this kind of lifestyle is straight up asking for trouble. So however you decide to proceed, get your ducks in a row (or get help getting your ducks in a row) before you go any further.


2) CORRECTLY Setting Up The RIGHT Boundaries

You’ll hear a lot of talk on websites, blogs, and forums about boundaries when it comes to arrangements like this. Boundaries this and boundaries that. But that’s like saying communication is the essence of a good marriage. As a professional, I can tell you communication has nothing to do with a good marriage if you aren’t communicating in the right way.


  • John Jay

    Reply Reply April 7, 2017

    They all get left eventually because the bottom line is that a woman wants to be loved period. They are not interested in her man’s perversions they are interested in him loving her. She views their sex life as sacred, notwithstanding the total narcissistic Psyco or sociopath. Those women are sure to love it! But What does a guy really have then? A hired prostitute? 90% of woman grow up with a fantasy in their head of her knight or prince or whatever, she meets a guy she thinks is it and finds that he has some perverted fetish?A man that can’t even do his own fucking is a pathetic excuse for a man.it most likely stems from a low self-esteem or mental disorder and perhaps they have a small penis which is usually the case and think that has something to do with their manhood. Well, perhaps to trailer trash it does, Why don’t a woman just buy a pony if all she is into is a big dick? So 9 times out of 10 she will indulge him and once she does that will be the beginning of the end for you. I have known 2 guys I know it happened to, the wife gave in and then got very conflicted about the thought of being a slut for her porn addicted husband she thought was going to be her Prince charming.She becomes disillusioned and leaves The guy almost always wants to keep pushing the envelope on her and every single time she might want to make love he wants to bring in another guy to do his fucking for him? That is pathetic, sick and wrong! Quite frankly that guy does not deserve this woman. Sooner or later she comes to that conclusion and always ends up leaving him. Disenchanted and wanting more from life than to be exploited for some kinky pervert to get his rocks off too. Honestly, a guy who has these fantasies needs to seek help to find out why he is having them. Because they are NOT normal! Swingers, in general, are people who are bored with their sex life and eventually they break up too. Then you’ll be by yourself with your love in someone else’s arms every night and you can jerk off to that for the rest of your life! It happens every time unless your some skank like Janet Mason who is nothing more than a porn star if there is such a thing. Final analysis woman view love making as just that making love, they want it to be with the MAN they love if you upset that balance and show yourself to be a pervert she will lose respect for you and eventually leave you. That is the inconvenient truth of the Cuckold and Swinging scene end of story. Get your head examined…BTW, in ancient times men with smaller penises were viewed as desirable by woman because a long shank was associated with a slave or lower class scum, that’s why you see statues like the David etc. with a small penis Small penis was viewed as upper class or royalty, large penis was viewed like slave, low class. Somewhere along the line humans twisted that all up just like everything else. Lol, I know this will draw fire and I will get attacked because sometimes the truth is not what one wants to hear. But none the less there it is… Read it and say what you will

    • Wyatt

      Reply Reply June 18, 2019

      I stumbled across these older comments, and had a good laugh at the one John Jay wrote. John Jay, you have really bought into the myth which has been perpetuated by society, romance novels, Hollywood, and sometimes, even women themselves. Most women have a bad girl inside, and it is not always the knight in shining armor who un-leashes this part of her.

      If, as you say, 90% of women want a knight in shining armor who loves them, and a woman just wants to be loved, then why is there so much cheating and illicit affairs occurring in your “normal” relationships.

      In the beginning, an affair has nothing to do with romance and being loved. It is all about the fucking. The woman is not looking for a new knight in shining armor who will love her. She is sexually attracted to this new man and is looking for a good and hot fuck.

      Your kind of woman will say I must not love my husband as much as I thought because I am cheating on him. My wife will say it is just about sex and pleasure. Your kind of woman will fall in love with for her new lover because societal norms will not approve of her fucking, if it is not love. My wife knows there is a difference between sex and love. If anything, your myths and societal expectations creates more divorces, while my lifestyle creates less.

      It is now commonly accepted that BOTH men and women are cheating at a rate which far exceeds that of 40 years ago. Because neither men nor women are honest when surveys are conducted on cheating, the real percentages are uncertain. But anyone who works in corporate America knows the numbers are about 40%. Those who believe it is less are those that are naive and foolish like you. For you to be okay in your world you “have to” believe in the myth. Additionally, as the the divorce rate for middle and upper income families is in the 65% range, and almost every single divorce has one person whom is cheating, and since women initiate almost 70% of the divorces, not certain you are as smart and intellectually savvy as you think you are when it comes to what women want.

      So, you subscribe to society’s myths and moral righteousness. If a consenting married couple enjoys the hot wife lifestyle , it is pathetic, perverted, and bad. But, when either spouse cheats, and many do, that is acceptable because people like you think it rarely happens, and, even if it does, well, this kind of thing has been going on for centuries and it is more socially accepted.

      So JJ, so you can sleep at night you must cling to your little mythological world. Enjoy that.

  • Stonemtncouple

    Reply Reply April 11, 2017

    My only question is, why would the previous poster John Jay take the time to find this site and write a lengthy response on a subject he disdains? Very interesting.

    I have no objections to any of John Jay’s points. They are valiad and can be true. The generalizations of “all” and “every” are exagerations.
    I know many happily married swinger couples going on 30 years of marriage and more. I myself am married to a beautiful Hotwife going on our 5th year in the swinger hotwife lifestyle.
    Success depends on putting your spouse first, always. Love your spouse first and last and make the lifestyle a fun sometimes event not the center of your relationship.

    • Txcple

      Reply Reply January 30, 2018

      I agree with you for some couples with good communication the lifestyle is just another was of enjoying their sexuality toghether most couples that fail is due to the fact that the start exploring as a way to fix their relationship not as a way to enhance it.

    • Nicole

      Reply Reply March 5, 2018

      I enjoyed reading your comment. My boyfriend is obsessed with cuckolding and after years finally talked me into it. I only gave in because it makes him extremely happy. He said that he turned his jealousy and insecurities about my previous relationships into fantasizing about me with them. I definitely agree that it’s an insecurity on his part but once I did it, now he needs it all the time. I only do this for his pleasure I could care less. And I often question how can a man love a woman truly If he is OK with sharing her. So it is still new for us and I have only done it three times but I don’t know how this will end. I had never been asked before to sleep with other men so this is a very different world for me. I don’t understand it because my boyfriend pleases me and does not have a small penis. He is of average size but he only wants to see me with much larger men, specifically Black men.. It is good to know that not all men agree with this lifestyle

  • DeeperLove

    Reply Reply April 14, 2017

    I agree, there’s more to the story of John Jay to find this site then rant and rave about what he thinks he knows as fact for everyone. I’m sure there are alternative lifestyles that may go that way, but when the divorce rate exceeds 50% for traditional marriages and most of those involve at least one spouse cheating on the other, well that appears to be the case in traditional lifestyles as well and noone is immune to humanity.

    It sounds as if John Jay may be the victim of a failed alternative lifestyle himself to harbor such hatred, or maybe even having those types of fantasies of his own and he does not like that about himself (in psychology it’s called Psychological Projection ). John Jay is the only one who knows where all that is coming from. To which, I am sorry so much anger is being held hostage in your heart.

    What I do know beyond any doubt is that I am married to the most incredible hotwife this side of the Bahamas. And here’s the bottom line: My wife’s pleasure is my pleasure and yes, I love that she has sex with other men while exploring her sexuality. I won’t even get into what this has done for our own sexual awakening, but we have never been so in love with each other, and after 23 years, we never knew this connection, this deeper love even existed before we turned this fantasy into reality. Other than getting married and raising a beautiful family, this is the BEST thing we’ve ever done for us.

    If you share this lifestyle, I don’t need to explain it. If you don’t, there’s nothing I can say to explain it. You have to feel it, it’s that simple. If you don’t feel it, you’re among the ‘normal’ couples and that’s ok if that works for you; but if you do feel it, it is freedom from ALL insecurities and jealousies and will take you and your wife to a whole new level of trust, communication, and a deeper love that will affect your entire life in ways unimaginable in traditional relationships.

  • Publius

    Reply Reply July 2, 2017

    I think John Jay’s description is probably very accurate for the majority of people who engage in this fetish/lifestyle. There are couples who engage in it and are able to maintain their marriages successfully, but I would suspect that those couples have a unique dynamic that allows them to successfully engage in an activity that would destroy almost any other marriage.

    John Jay’s description of women’s hopes and expectations in relationships is quite accurate for the overwhelming majority of women. That is why nearly every cuckold/hot wife relationship it is the man who initiates. And again in almost every case the woman not only is reluctant but very often resists, and when they do eventually give in it is not for their own pleasure but to please their husband.

    • Dr. 36

      Reply Reply July 2, 2017

      I appreciate your perspective, Publius. The problem with it though is that it’s not as accurate as you’d like to think. Take for example your belief that the majority of successful couples in this lifestyle are successful because they have a unique dynamic that allows them to be successful in it. As a general rule, what you said is in fact the opposite of what’s true. Having a solid foundation, agreeing upon boundaries, communicating, shared visions, etc…factors like that are much more likely to determine success than having a “unique dynamic”.

      Also, although it’s not inherently bad to use such extreme qualifiers such as “nearly every” and “almost every”, it kind of weakens your case here–especially when it comes to the real reason why most women open their minds to exploring these fantasies. It also pre-supposes/requires there be a dichotomous split between the wife’s pleasure and pleasing her husband. That’s kind of an unhealthy way to think about relationships.

  • Small Cock Cuck

    Reply Reply May 19, 2019

    Hello. I’ve been in the cuckold lifestyle, both knowingly and unknowingly, for 20 years. I have to say during that time I’ve learned, from personal experience and meeting many other cuck couples, that there isnt just one type of cuckold relationship. Bulls also vary widely. Therefore it’s hard to say with any determination that yes a wife will leave or no she wont. It happens but it’s in the minority of the relationships. As Dr. 36 points out sometimes there are flaws in the relationship which this lifestyle can expose or you didnt set up the boundaries correctly. There are other reasons as well such as the wife awakening to the fact of how good sex can be and having experienced such can be a life changing event. Society often brainwashes people into believing there are certain ways you’re supposed to live your life but trying something new exposes you to something you may end up loving more than your current life. Ive had hotwives tell me they love hot mindblowing sex more than their husbands so they chose the deeper love. Others love having both. I think quite a few of us cucks have fantasies of our wives leaving us but most wouldn’t want that to happen. Bulls also vary from those that just want hot sex while others want to date, have a connection, etc. with the hotwife. If you enter this lifestyle be ready for whatever happens as experiences can change people.

    My wife and I have always been very sexual people which helped us into the lifestyle. We started dating and fell in love but the first time she saw my small cock she knew she was going to cheat for however long we were together. There was no way I was going to satisfy her sexual needs so she kept fucking one guy she was seeing when we first met. He had a big cock and fucked her well. Soon after she met her long term bull, a high school friend of mine, who is still fucking her 20 years later.

    After a couple of weeks together we started meeting each other’s friends and family. I finally introduced her to Joe when we went out with a group of friends. They chatted for most of the night. On our way home she was asking lots of questions about him. After a couple of years my wife finally admitted to me that a week after first meeting Joe she called him over to our apartment. He asked her why and she said I was out of town on a business trip (I was) and she wanted someone to hang out with. Long story short he came over and has been fucking my wife ever since. We had a discussion that night, and while I was pissed, I had a raging hard on as she was telling me the whole long hot story of the last two years. It was hard to deny it turned me on and if my cock wasnt so small she might have noticed. Given my tiny cock’s reaction I started asking about her past boyfriends and all the sex they had. I had started my trip to becoming the cuck I am today but didnt even know the word much less anything about the lifestyle. It’s been one hot journey with my wife going on dates/vacations with him, splitting time between us and just the other day my wife told me she was thinking about moving in with him. The hot news caused a mix of feelings but being in this lifestyle it wasnt a complete shock.

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