One just doesn’t wake up in the morning and decide he’s a wannabe cuckold. For most men, there’s a progression of sorts. It starts when the desire itself slowly and imperceptibly takes root, and then gradually grows over time. The following is a model I have created to help men understand how this process happens.
Disclaimer: although this model will apply to what most men experience, it does not directly map on to every man’s experience. Furthermore, progression through these stages need not be linear, nor does each stage have to be completely separate from all the others. I encourage you to understand the following model as you do a map that can help you navigate your way through your experience. And remember, as every wise explorer does, this simple yet profound fact: the map is not the territory.
The first stage of being a wannabe cuckold is to actually be aware that you become sexually aroused at the idea of your wife sleeping with another man. This is how it all starts.
As innocent as this stage seems however, it’s usually very troublesome for most men to get through. Difficult to answer questions scroll through the mind much like text on an electronic marquee.
Why does this turn me on?
What does it mean?
Do I really love my wife/girlfriend if I want to see her with another man?
Is something wrong with me?
Is this normal?
Would I actually want her to sleep with someone else in real life?
Is this just a passing fantasy?
Regardless of how you answer these questions, the outcome is always the same: the desire will be here to stay because it’s an urge that cannot be fought or overcome. It’s simply something you eventually find yourself giving in to, and that’s when you reach the second stage.
The interest stage represents the point a man gets to when he starts to mentally explore this fantasy. There are four sub-stages men go through while in the interest stage. Although progress through these sub-stages is usually linear, it’s not uncommon for some men to skip some stages, or revisit stages, or go out of order through them altogether. Let’s take a look at what they are:
Deflection by education - as we mentioned, it’s not easy to come to grips with having this kind of fantasy. The first line of defense for a lot of men is to deflect it’s existence in their own list of turn-ons by intellectualizing it. Many men do this by seeking out information about the concept itself. They look to learn as much as they can about it. This allows them to remain separate from the fantasy since it’s treated as an intellectual concept.
Self-understanding by education - some men genuinely want to understand where this fantasy comes from and why they have it. Seeking out information about the fantasy then becomes a natural attempt to try and explain the fantasy in a way that allows them to comfortably integrate it into themselves and their sexual schema. It’s not uncommon for men to look for external reasons that would give them “permission” to have this fantasy. Alternatively, they might also look for information that might give them hope that this fantasy is perhaps just a passing phase, or not what it seems.
Tangential Gratification via de-personalization - somewhere along the line, most men look to gratify this sexual impulse inside them. They do this by gravitating towards cuckold and hotwife porn, websites, and forums. More specifically, they depersonalize the fantasy by getting enjoyment as a removed third party. They have not yet taken the step where they imagine themselves in that particular scene/story/situation. Instead, they get their pleasure from being a removed third-party who enjoys the scene or story in a voyeuristic fashion.
Core Gratification via personalization - in this sub-stage, de-personalization becomes personalization. As opposed to the previous substage, the sexual gratification in this stage revolves around being able to live out their fantasies vicariously. This is accomplished when they begin to imagine themselves in the porn scenes/cuckold stories they see online instead of just being a removed observer.
Although not all men reach the next stage, the majority of them do, and it’s at this stage where the term wannabe truly earns its meaning.
Contemplation is the stage in which men cravingly think about the actual occurrence/happening of this fantasy in regards to their own relationship. They key word or operative word here is here _cravingly. _They cross the line between simply imagining themselves acting out the fantasy via a porn scene or story and actually desiring the fantasy to happen in reality.
They are aware of the benefits and sexual gratification potential of having this fantasy happen, but they have also become acutely aware (through reading forums and stories and hearing the accounts of others who have lived or are living the lifestyle) of the risks involved if they decide to pursue this fantasy.
It’s in this stage where they consider bringing the idea up to their wife or girlfriend, but they haven’t quite decided whether or not they want to go through that door. The moment they do however, they arrive at the last stage.
The hallmark of this stage is active pursuit of the fantasy itself. In this stage, one of three things can happen:
They bring up their fantasy and their wife–be it instantly, reluctantly, or eventually–agrees. They are blessed with the opportunity to live out their fantasy.
They bring up their fantasy and their wife rejects it. They believe themselves to be condemned to not being able to live out their fantasy.
This last stage exists only for those who have brought up their fantasy and have gotten rejected by their wives. I consider men in this stage both extremely lucky, and extremely misled. For more information on why, check out this post.
The good news is that no matter what stage you’re in, I’m here to help. The advice and information I would give to you though depends on what the details of your situation are. There are only 4 different scenarios your situation can fall under provided that you want to make your fantasy a reality:
- Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and is willing to fantasize about it in bed, but isn’t willing to actually explore it in real life.
- Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy, and is not willing to fantasize about it in bed because she doesn’t like it or even understand it for that matter.
- Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and has explored it with you in the past, but no longer wants to again for whatever reason(s).
- Your wife doesn’t know about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy because you haven’t brought it up to her yet.
Because each of those situations is different, they each call for taking a different approach in order to get your wife to “take the plunge”. In order to make sure you don’t waste your time reading information that won’t apply to your unique situation, I’m going to suggest that you take 5 minutes and complete my Cuckold Fantasy Type & Probablity Assessment. It’ll give you:
- A detailed analysis of where you stand (current advantages & disadvantages of your situation)
- The class/type of objections your wife has given you and what that means for how easy or difficult all this will be
- Feedback on any positive/negative auxiliary factors you have (believe it or not auxiliary factors can make or break your chances)
- Success Probability Score (how likely it is you’ll be able to make your fantasy happen)
- What type of cuckold/hotwife husband you are and how that relates to your success probability score
- The next steps you need to take to get your wife to make this a reality
To take it, all you need to do is click the button below: