Male Submission, Humiliation, & BDSM With Miss Ava Zhang 5/5 (3)

“This is an excellent question, and a bit ironic since a professional dominatrix often sees men whose wives are NOT kinky and this is their way of achieving sexual balance. I have worked with couples in the past but the key component in their request to see me was a MUTUAL desire to explore BDSM. It is difficult to generate an exact strategy as every couple has a different relationship dynamic, and the individuals in that relationship are also different from each other.

“I would guess that couples who are openly communicative, share the same values, and who continue to enjoy sexual intimacy with one another have a good chance of opening their sex lives to elements of kink. I am not a relationship counselor so I cannot answer this question with professional/therapeutic advice. But I would imagine that honesty and vulnerability when presenting one’s desire to explore kink with one’s partner is a good place to start.

“A man should communicate how BDSM makes him FEEL, before diving into what particular activities he would like to explore. An important ingredient, and possibly the most essential, is BDSM as means to CONNECT with another human being on a sexual and cerebral level. To shift submission to a more relatable perspective, he might wish to illustrate how he enjoys serving her already in their relationship (as we all universally serve the ones we love) such as daily duties of running the household together, taking care of errands for her, etc.

“By doing so he is letting her know that he does these things out of love, and if he can still “serve” her in another way, it is also out of love. He can allude to how certain aspects of her personality already turn him on, and ask if she can harness that power in their sexual chemistry. Your mileage may vary 😉  “

This is exactly what talking to women on a meta-level means; I talk more about communicating your meta-reasons in this article about your fantasy. It’s one of the most important things to keep in mind when talking with a woman about any sexual fantasy you have.

The last thing I asked her was about her thoughts on men who want to submit yet also want to dictate all the details of what their submission entails/doesn’t entail (in other words, those who wish to “top from the bottom”). I found her answer very interesting.

“Power exchange is exactly what it sounds like—an exchange rather than a one-way transfer. There is no universal model of the Dominance and submission (D/s) relational structure. A healthy D/s exploration is collaboration rather than a tyrannical take-over. It has to be mutually pleasurable and consensual.

“If a man wishes to assume the submissive role and has very specific ideas about how to go about exploring it, then he has every right to communicate that to his partner. His partner can then communicate what she likes about his fantasy, whether she wishes to add to or subtract from it, and they both reach a middle ground that would make them happy. A clear and open conversation BEFORE active exploration is necessary!

“Dominance and submission are TEMPORARY roles in which power is consensually transferred from one to another. If the submissive wishes to dictate the terms and conditions of a fantasy, then he is still exploring the submissive energy. There is a misunderstanding that the needs of the submissive are not important relative to the Dominant, but this is a huge mistake. There are 2 (or more) people with equally valid needs and desires, both of which should be accommodated and respected. How they achieve it is entirely up to them.

“Personally, I want to understand the mindset of my subs and then proceed to craft a session based on what I want but that still pushes the right buttons in their minds. But I would not claim that my way is the only way.”

I want to echo just how important having clear and open conversations are with your partner about what you want to explore before you actually explore it. Far too often, the partner with the desire/fantasy only vaguely and shyly communicates their desire/fantasy leaving the other partner a bit in the dark when it comes to them knowing what’s really desired. This is a recipe for disaster for many reasons, but that’s another topic for another time.

I want to end this article by publicly thanking Miss Ava Zhang for being willing to share her thoughts and perspectives with us. If you want to know more about her on want to know more of her views on BDSM and male submission, I encourage you to check out her website at: https://missavazhang.com

Stay tuned for more, and if you have any questions or thoughts on any of the above, feel free to leave them in the comments section below!

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1 Comment

  • Howard Barks

    Reply Reply June 4, 2018

    This interview was most stimulating. I wish she was close to my home so I could get to know her better. It seems to me women have an edge on this activity. It makes me want to submit.

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