Male Submission, Humiliation, & BDSM With Miss Ava Zhang 5/5 (4)

Miss Zhang’s response sparked a thought train in my mind about pleasure in general and how there are actually many different kinds of pleasure. What she said directly above about how comforting it can be to just relax into one’s own “nothingness” made me think about how pleasurable experiencing “nothingness” can actually be. Whether the nothingness is of the kind you get to relax into on a rainy Sunday while lying in bed with your wife watching TV or its the kind you get when entering into samadhi via meditation, there is a wonderful kind of pleasurable freedom to be enjoyed in nothingness. 

Indeed, Miss Zhang says in one the articles on her site, “humiliation serves as a release from tensions caused by the constant need to maintain our identity and furthermore defend our dignity.”  When I asked her to elaborate on this, she said, “When a sub is buried in deep subspace, completely present with his play partner/Female dominant, he feels that he is the only one in the world that matters to her. It is in these heightened moments of intense sensation and emotion that he assumes a euphorically simplified mindset of being a sub to his Dominant. All other daily concerns are erased and he is, for that temporary moment, free of himself as well as free to be himself.

“In the context of humiliation, this is further intensified as he willfully sheds his ego, takes off his armor, and bathes in the joys of releasing the tension of doing EVERYTHING we have do to survive and thrive in this world. When I playfully tell my subs that they are ‘sluts, bitches, dogs, cucks, etc’, they delight in hearing these words not because they believe themselves to be such titles but because they don’t have to be the OTHER roles that demand the maintenance of their hard exterior.”

As I mentioned earlier, one of the things that fascinates me most about these experiences is the tendency they have to elicit intense sexual arousal from some people. The curious thing is that no one seems to have an all inclusive answer as to how or why this works. I was determined to come up with one myself, but the more I looked into how some fundamentally “non-erotic” experiences and emotions could elicit sexual arousal in people, the more I began to realize that it’s a bit more complicated than that.

In other words, there isn’t just one all-encompassing answer because there isn’t just one question. In other words, it’s inaccurate on some level to ask that question because it presupposes that those experiences or emotions (humiliation in this instance) are themselves eliciting the sexual arousal. While that may be the case for some people, it is certainly not the case for the majority.

For example, it’s more than plausible that those types of fundamentally “non-erotic” emotions/experiences don’t elicit sexual arousal but rather amplify or intensify it. This isn’t to say they can’t be pleasurable in a non-erotic sense in certain contexts, but that’s a different conversation. The process by which those emotions can over time become sexualized or made to elicit sexual arousal in and of themselves via the process of associative conditioning is also a separate conversation.

As much of a digression as that was, I believe its a fundamentally important one because it adds yet another dimension of understanding when it comes to knowing the psychology behind how all this works.

Back to humiliation. When most people hear this word, they tend to think of someone having an unpleasant emotional experience. Ipso facto, if someone wants to experience humiliation, some might then consider them, in a certain sense, to have masochistic tendencies. I figured I’d ask Miss Zhang about this and if she thought masochism was a “pleasure circuit” everyone has, and if not, why are some people masochists and others not? Here’s what she said:

“In order to properly answer this question, I need to define ‘masochism’. When the word is uttered, we automatically associate masochism with receiving pain. I do not automatically make this association. For me, a masochist desires to receive intense sensation or experience intense emotion from another’s actions directed towards him or her. In short, the masochist is the receiver whereas the sadist is the giver.

“Pain is not necessarily the default sensation. A caress against the skin, a whisper in the ear, a piece of rope hugging you tightly against your skin, a verbally salacious string of humiliating words, or even a fierce look into your eyes—all of which can be categorized as sensations or emotions the masochist can receive and feel. Rephrased in these terms, there can be an element of masochism and sadism in almost every type of BDSM fantasy.”

Deep, right? I love it.

I asked her one last question about the sub-topics of humiliation and submission; I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know whether she thought it was common for the desires of submission and humiliation to be inextricably linked or if it was possible for someone to submit yet not be humiliated, and vice versa.

“I view submission as an umbrella under which humiliation falls,” said Miss Zhang. “One who submits via humiliation is only one way by which one demonstrates surrender and vulnerability. For that particular reason, humiliation and submission are inextricably linked. But submission itself can take on other forms without the element of humiliation. For example, a cuckolded husband/boyfriend can experience humiliation when watching his female partner with another able-bodied man, but a service-oriented submissive may just wish to serve his Dominant without the emotional intensity of humiliation.”

Makes sense.

Moving on, it would have been wrong of me were I not to ask Miss Zhang to give some pointers and tips for men out there who wish to start exploring BDSM with their wives and having their wives playing the more dominant role. I asked her how she thought these men should bring the idea up and how they might be able to help their wives overcome any initial resistance to the idea. Here’s what she said:

1 Comment

  • Howard Barks

    Reply Reply June 4, 2018

    This interview was most stimulating. I wish she was close to my home so I could get to know her better. It seems to me women have an edge on this activity. It makes me want to submit.

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