Male Submission, Humiliation, & BDSM With Miss Ava Zhang 5/5 (3)

Anyway, I asked her how she’s come to know all that she knows from as many different sources she does and if it has anything to do with her educational background or otherwise. Here’s what she said:

“I would dare not claim myself as possessing above-average intelligence, but I am humbled that you imply it. I have a degree in language studies but I would not attribute any formal education as the basis for my knowledge. Having emigrated from China to the States, I did not speak a word of English upon arrival. It was almost a form of ‘handicap’ to not be able to express myself to people, and communicating simple thoughts and asking basic questions were struggles for a couple of years. And at the age of 9, I was old enough to be self-conscious of this matter for I was often ridiculed for speaking so poorly.

“As a remedy, and probably overcompensation, I threw myself into reading at a young age so that I could absorb the English language as fast as possible. I wanted to empower myself by learning the language of my new environment. Whenever I stumbled upon a word I didn’t understand, I would put the book down and look it up in the dictionary (and then try to show it off to my parents by using it correctly in a sentence!). This in turn became a lifelong love for reading and knowledge.

“These days I am always carrying several books with me when I travel because I’m a Luddite who doesn’t believe in Kindle. “

Now that you know a little more about Miss Zhang as a person, let’s get into the meat and potatoes of what we talked about. As I mentioned above, she does a really great job at articulating some of the psychology and the erotic appeal behind BDSM, humiliation, male submission, etc.

I think this ability and her willingness to share her insights is important for a number of reasons, one of them being that Psychology hasn’t done a very great job overall at being able to explain why some of these emotions and experiences are erotic. As a result, many are left to stumble in the dark trying to find their own way regarding understanding themselves. I personally think Miss Zhang’s perspectives can be a light in that darkness for many, which is why I’m sharing her perspectives with you in this article.

To start off, Miss Zhang holds the view that the first step to understanding why a man wants to submit to a dominatrix is to first understand him as a whole, and part of understanding men is recognizing that they “need to demonstrate their competence, their ability to provide and protect, their power, their independence.” So I asked her if a man’s desire for submission should be seen as an escape/release from his constant responsibility/duty to be dominant, or is it something more?

“A man’s desire to submit to a woman can be attributed to a wide variety of factors,” she said. “First of all, submission should not be seen as a ‘justification’ for anything but rather a healthy desire for balance, control, and pleasure. A desire to submit CAN result from the need to relieve oneself of responsibility and duty, and such is a very legitimate reason. But if we only look at male submission and its reasons, then we are ignoring female submission.

“I believe BDSM play involving Dominance and submission doesn’t just empower the person assuming the Dominant role, but that it empowers BOTH parties involved. Submission does not just spell out ‘please allow me to escape from my life duties’, what it really means to me is this: ‘I want you to strip me of my pretenses, render me naked before you so that you can see me in my vulnerable, authentic state. I want to give you the power to take me to a heightened state of pleasure and sensation. I want to be connected to you without reservation, without the invisible bindings of our world, without fear. I want to give myself to you and I do it because I trust you, respect you, and desire you.’

“Framed in these words, submission is relatable on a universal level, for both men and women.”

I want to imagine for a second what you’d be feeling, emotionally and physiologically, if you were genuinely saying to another human being what that vulnerable woman above was saying. I’m pointing this out because the intense/heightened state of emotional and physiological arousal you’d be in when saying something like that actually plays a big role in the “eroticization” of certain “non-erotic” emotions and experiences. For more information on this, check out my article on cuckold angst.

Alright so, submission is a key element in being part of a traditional cuckold relationship, but some guys take it a bit farther than just “being submissive” and actually desire to experience humiliation as part of the cuckolding dynamic. But is wanting to experience submission different than wanting to experience humiliation, and if so, how? Miss Zhang had some interesting thoughts on this:

“Humiliation is one avenue of experiencing submission and falls under its wider umbrella. Perhaps for men more so than women, humiliation can be quite intense as there is a built-in culture of the expectations of masculinity. Masculinity drags a plethora of buzz words in tow: strength, confidence, success, etc. Therefore if one is born into expectations then it is natural for one to seek space outside of expectations—even if it is temporary.

“To be humiliated, in essence, is to be lowered in status relative to the person(s) in front you. An act is considered humiliating if you consider it to be ‘beneath you”. As such, humiliation is a game of playing with power imbalance. One who desires humiliation desires to be lowered, degraded, and (perhaps) emasculated for the sake of sexual release, release from the ego, or release from gender-cemented expectations.

“While we are constantly striving for ‘bigger and better’, it can be comforting for us to just say, even if it’s just once in while, ‘I’m nothing right now, and that’s okay’. A desire for sexual humiliation, when explored in healthy and positive ways, does not threaten our egos but rather reinforces it because we are comfortable (and confident) enough to take it off and put it on a shelf once in while.”

1 Comment

  • Howard Barks

    Reply Reply June 4, 2018

    This interview was most stimulating. I wish she was close to my home so I could get to know her better. It seems to me women have an edge on this activity. It makes me want to submit.

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