I’m currently working with a client who we’ll call Ron. I’ve changed his name for discretionary reasons and have gotten his permission to share his story in the manner in which it’s unfolded. As a matter of fact, he’s given me permission to post some of our email correspondence together, which you’ll find below.
The boxed italicized text contains excerpts from the emails he’s sent me, starting from when he first signed until now. The content of the emails remains unedited, save for me redacting/snipping out certain pieces of information at his request for discretionary reasons. Privacy is important. I respect that.
I wanted to share his story with you because it’s a very _real _example of how these things tend to unfold in reality. It really showcases the journey of a wife who wanted no part of this kind of lifestyle to actually embracing this lifestyle as a fully satisfied hotwife.
So without further ado, here’s the story of Ron & L. I’ll start by showing you an email he sent me containing some background on their relationship:
About a year and a half ago we were really struggling. Too many “obligations” with […] and no support from others. The [kids] taxed our relationship. We became a bit distant with each other and fought over sex mostly.
I complained ALOT. I wanted some “light” and pushed her to have us find some “sexy friends” to get to know and maybe get sexual with. She shut down, thinking she could never “make me happy”. I started to read about non monogamous relationships and tried (mistake) to convince my wife to open up and feel ok with that. We had a big blow up when the kids were away for a weekend and that was rock bottom, We were spiraling out of control.
So […] I got a referral for a sex therapist (who is a woman) and we went into see her. The therapist is really good and is non judgmental. I outlined my desires AGAIN as my wife listened and politely told me over and over that my desires were just not her […]
My wife identified (and maybe still does) as monogamous and I am emotionally monogamous but open. It has become clear that I do not want another woman, nor do I have any bi sexual desires. We seemed to make progress and then something would come up and set us back. […] I got frustrated. I then would apologize. That leads us to now.
For the sake of discretion, I’m going to have to sum up what happened next by telling you that Ron made some significant progress by getting his wife to agree to go to a swinger’s club.
(FYI: he didn’t just randomly toss it out there. He laid the right groundwork before he did so, and that’s what played a big part in her being willing to go. Laying the right groundwork is incredibly important when going down this kind of path and proposing these ideas and that’s something I make sure to go into thorough detail on in the Personalized Plans I make for all my clients.)
Lo and behold the night went well, very well actually because they met someone. And wouldn’t you believe it, things got a _little _physical in the club, and the night ended in Ron’s wife exchanging numbers with her new “friend” and going back home to have some “mind-blowing” orgasms. Go figure :-)
Here’s what happened in the following days:
She told me to let her go at her own pace. […] They have been texting and sending sexy pics off and on. She is a bit more reserved than him. He is being the complete gentleman. Telling her how hot she is. She told him she was still “sex drunk from his touch”. They are getting to know each other. I am trying so hard not to push. […] This is where I am. Wanting more. DESPERATELY not wanting this to end and the magic to stop. Trying so hard not to push. Being encouraging. TOTALLY CONCERNED THAT SHE WILL BACK AWAY. I am having a great time but am so concerned that the magic will stop […]
Ron proceeded _in the right __way _though, and because he did, things continued to unfold favorably. See for yourself:
Just an update. They have texted some sexy pics, and also pics of pets (lol). She sent him some pics of her in Victoria secrets bras and undies that she sent to me a couple of weeks ago. He sent her a full nude shot of him just for her and she was intrigued. Also a dick pic. […]
I asked her if she texted him over the last 2 days and she told me she “didn’t want to be a needy texter”. I reassured her she is not needy in any way. I don’t look over her shoulder and over the last 4 days she has come to me when he texts her and she shows me. What she shows me and when is up to her. […]
He was in town originally […] I asked her if we/she was interested in having him come back into town to see her/us again. Yesterday she said slow down when i asked this. And then tonight she told me she had it all figured out how to ask him if he was coming back […] I loved the fact that she is thinking this out in her mind. Such a newbie vixen. My heart thumped […] Feels so good to be on the same page. HELP KEEP ME THERE……Thanks
Do you notice the buildup to it all? There’s a seduction happening, slowly, and all the while everything is unfolding at the pace at which she’s comfortable. Ron and I discussed leaving her enough room and space so this could unfold in the way his wife needed it to. Here are some more of Ron’s thoughts:
I have really been putting into action many of the points you brought up in your plan. I have always been affectionate with my wife so I have a leg up on that already. L (wife) has been really pretty….how do you say it…..NOT too nervous about how things are progressing. Enjoy the process is something I am really putting into action.
As we go forward with this it is becoming clear that she and I both want a connection with any man she plays with. It just brings depth and quality to the experience. There is something so enticing about knowing the man who is fucking your wife for me. And for her it is about a connection and a level of comfort from that connection.
The gentleman (who is […] years younger than her) also seems to want a connection. His Kasidie profile says as much. He gave us a glowing review on Kasidie about […]. That got a smile from her and I. We have chatted at length about her ongoing texting with her new friend. She is enjoying their banter and flirting. She likes him as a person.
We have also talked at length about whether or not her getting involved with him puts our relationship at risk. I am 100 percent confident that it DOES NOT. The fact that his visits would be fairly infrequent and would allow the space for both her and I to slowly enjoy the process and the space for her to recharge sexually between visits from him. So knowing my wife as I do and having confidence in the depth of our relationship I am good with going forward. Really nice to be able to say to each other “anytime you want to stop let me know” and mean it.
So my previously “I’m monogamous” wife has seen a bit of life from another angle. And she is intrigued. Their text messages they exchange are achingly tempting. Last Friday we had an hour to kill so we did some Christmas shopping. Walking by Victoria’s Secret we headed in and bought some sexy thongs and bras. We have done this quite often over the last 3-4 months.
On the way out, holding her hand, I said, “I know we have played the whole what if this is for your lover thing before but this seems so real, so sexy”. Within a few minutes she got a text from him and she replied with “what is your favorite color of lingerie, cause I’m shopping…and you know…..just wanted to be ready”. HOLY SMOKES………Hand in hand we sat and awaited his response. Looks like we will be doing some more shopping there for him. Possible soon.
Really working hard to not smother my wife my sexual advances. I want this woman BADLY right now. And do not want to smother her. After making love/fucking for 2 weeks straight (one day off) we are going to abstain for a few days to let it build. He may be back in town this weekend or maybe next weekend. He told her that he does not want to rush her at all. that really helped her.
At that point I may need your guidance on how to approach soothing her nerves. She keeps telling me that “she needs to be in charge and she is sorry if she is difficult”. I tell her it is fine and she is in charge. I keep praising and encouraging. In the meantime, feels good to have a plan in place and I am enjoying each moment.
And it continues…I gave Ron more guidance, and he gave me another update some time later.
Thanks for the email. Everything has been going well with just a few hiccups. Very much working on keeping that emotional connection with my wife. Lots of communication and talking. I was at work on friday and got a text from her “OMG he just called me”. So they chatted on the phone (first time) and my wife texted me it went well and she felt “giddy”.
So last night my wife and I (we were kidless for the night) face timed with the gentleman. Turns out he won’t be able to make it […] until late December […]. Seeing my wife and us is pretty much the reason for his visit.
Anyhow, we/they chatted for about 2 hours. The last hour or so got sexy. How sexy? Well lets put it this way. We all talked while my wife and I made love. He complimented her on how hot and beautiful she was the entire time and how he could not wait to see her again. He really likes the couple and him dynamics and was very sexy and open about what he liked.
A bit of background on last night. I had my wife wiggle out of her pants and touched her as they talked. That was mistake number one because I did not ask her if she wanted to do that. I sort of did but I guess there was not enough communication there. LESSON LEARNED. COMMUNICATE AND ASK even if she seems to want too in the moment. SHE HAS TO BE IN CHARGE, in control.
Eventually she took off all her clothes by herself and it got real steamy. My sweet little wife was WHITE HOT, wet and orgasmed at least 3 times. I asked her to tell him she wanted to fuck him (mistake) but as she came she told him that. She had a super hard orgasm.
So he requested a peak at her body and she complied pointing the phone at herself. He also saw a full penetration shot as well as her fingers on herself and a quick view of her ass. We were all in the moment. It was super fun and everyone had a great time. We all talked alot as it cooled down and then heated up again. Total comfort in the conversation between the 3 of us.
Later I laid on the bed away from her as he showed her his hard cock and her eyes were big as saucers. “That is nice” and “very impressive” and “oh I like that alot” are some of the things she said. I did not watch her phone but kept looking at my gorgeous wife enjoying his show. We talked about alot of stuff, sexual and otherwise and it just seemed to flow.
After this was over she and I went and grabbed a quick burger. I could tell that something was amiss. She said that she felt I sort of pushed her to show him her and she felt she was not in control of the situation. My goodness she was having such a good time. I would say that I listened to her and apologized and assured her that I would do better. She was not pissed but somewhat quiet.
When we woke up her sparkle in her eyes was gone. I apologized again and since I had read your email I told her we had 2 new phrases that I would ask her before I would do anything.
1. Is this something you would choose to do? and 2. Would it be ok if _______
That seemed to make her feel better. I also texted him to tell him that I sort of felt bad that I put pressure on her. He said no problem we can slow down and that “she sets the pace”. We seem to be connected again after a bit of a hiccup this morning. She told me to just “encourage the process”.
I kept remembering your warmwife article and was supportive and positive and encouraging. This evening I dropped her off at a small […] event sponsored by […] and she seemed much better on the drive over there. In fact she was fanning herself at his texts that they have been sending today. And smiling again. […]
She has been doing her due diligence in making sure he is safe and legit. The only problem is that he has apparently lied to her about his age. He is actually […]. I dont know if that is a big deal or not. This is really new to both of us. And he likes the fact that we want a connection with him. I will send you another email in a day or 2 and let you know what is up.
Notice the bumps in the road. This is normal. Nothing ever unfolds perfectly along the way. And you know what? That’s ok. You just keep your center and accept it as part of the process. You can even use it to your advantage if you know how.
Let’s see what happened next:
So it appears that right now my wife and I are on the same page and we are moving in a healthy way towards her having a friend with benefits. We are going to define this in our own way and do this in our own way. I am thrilled by her decisions and attitudes. She is all in. Keep in mind that until we met this guy she was a fairly sexually shy woman when it came to anything involving anyone else. To recap, here is what has been going on this week. Sometimes I pinch myself because I cannot believe that this is happening to me/us. Pretty exciting stuff.
1. On Sunday her boyfriend (that is what she teasingly is calling him) told her he was sending her a couple of sexy items. […] and she sent him a picture of it! I told her teasingly a few weeks ago that she could tell me “I want to make love to […]” (fucking sounds a bit shallow) when she knew she was ready. Last night as we made love she looked me in the eye and told me that! She also told me to text that to him. I asked her if it was bedroom talk afterwards and she said it was not and I should text him. I did!
2. They have been texting and talking on the phone. I think the 3 of us are all eagerly anticipating his visit to […] He wants to do things with both of us outside the bedroom so that should be fun.
3. […]Our home is very private and secure. I think her being with him in our bed would be super sexy. At this point she wants him to have a hotel close by and i am fine with this. I am not going to push this as she is proceeding at super hot hot wife speed and she may end up changing her mind once she sees him. I’m not kidding as I type these words I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
4. Had the safe sex conversation with her “boyfriend” (they have not had intercourse yet) at the request of my wife. I cannot believe it, but she is open to no condoms if he is completely tested and has proof that he is clean. She and I will get tested too. UNBELIEVABLE……So incredible that she is feeling this open and comfortable about all of this. It blows my mind. I checked my boundaries and im just fine with it. In fact it would be an added extra to this sexy situation.
6. I’m a touchy guy anyhow but the last 3-4 weeks I have been showering L with love and affection. Lots of physical displays of affection. Lots of sitting in front of the TV rubbing her feet and legs. Lots of massages (which i’m pretty good at) and not always sex in return. Went out to dinner this evening and we were both glowing. It was like no one else was in the restaurant. Made dinner with her a couple of days ago. […]. Im opening doors, LEADING her body when i walk with her in pubic. Protecting her in public. Holding umbrellas. Dropping her off at the door if its raining. These are all your suggestions by the way and I did some of these before, but I have really stepped it up and it has worked perfectly. GREAT STUFF by the way.
7. And as important as number 6 is, I have also been allowing her space. We have always had this “catch and release” kind of thing between us. We dont need to spend every waking hour together. So tonight as I write this she is relaxing by the fire and I am in my office writing this. RELEASE, no suffocation. Tomorrow she is going out with a long time bestie girlfriend. They both like to […] so I suggested she go […] and have fun just the 2 of them. […] She thanked me for the offer and told me “she had the best husband in the world” and I told her “no one […] is happier than us right now”. And we both meant it.
Thanks for everything, THIS IS WORKING.
So things are continuing to still progress steadily. It’s hard to imagine that this is the same woman who once said “I’m monogamous,” isn’t it? It gets better though, because here’s where it’s actually about to go down. The anticipation/buildup is intoxicating:
So tomorrow my wifes friend/lover/boyfriend whatever flies into town. […] And the adventure really gets real. REALLY REAL.
With the busy Christmas season my wife and I had to find time to stay connected. I think we did a pretty good job “compartmentalizing” family and our hotwife journey. We did get some time away for coffee, and dinner, and some last minute shopping. Lots of door opening and helping her from me over the past 3-4 weeks. Lots of massages and foot rubs. Lots of gentle leading on my part, and she has been following! More than any piece of advice you have given me that is the best. Lead and she will follow.
So for tonight we are going to relax and watch some TV as we get ready for what comes next. We have let it build (no sex) since the 24th. I have built up his visit in my mind to be something fantastic. Tempering my expectations is one thing I am really going to work on. Making sure she is in charge and letting her set the pace is another.
His language regarding this has been exemplary and they have become friends so that is very good. Not pushing in any way is going to be my key. I also have a tendency to “overshare” (as you can probably cobble together by the length of my emails). I am going to work on being chill and relaxed and not guiding the conversation in a sexual way. THEY ARE DOING JUST FINE ON THEIR OWN with that.
Even through all her nerves of him coming to see her, L’s attitude has been great. Shockingly great. This evening she has a twinkle in her eye and is going to the gym to work out.
All 3 of us have been tested for STD’s and he is bringing written proof. She has been asking me plenty of questions about sex and guys. Funny you make love to a woman for […] years and she thinks that only I like this or that. So cute to have her ask about what feels best when she gives head or whatever. “Im not sure I can handle his girth” and “how should i kiss and lick him down there” are crazy hot things to have your wife ask you.
I have a bunch of concerns, but most all of them are “future tripping”. This is pretty exciting stuff. One thing I would like is to have him make love to her at our house. She is concerned about that. So I am going to let it go and not push this, even though that is what I would like. I think it will be more relaxed and sexy that way, but I get her concern to a degree.
So very soon we will be officially taking the hotwife plunge. With […], whom she is very attracted too. For me this is super erotic to think of. This has worked out perfectly so far. I just hope it continues. If I was not living this right now I would not believe it!
I will be back in touch as this unfolds, probably with all kinds of thoughts about what this new experience will mean and how to proceed from there. (future tripping again).
And now for the thrilling conclusion:
Happy New Year,
Well what can I say. If I did not have the pictures to prove it I would not have believed it. […] came to town and everything went pretty well. We picked him up from the airport. I looked in my rear view mirror and here was my cute wife holding hands and laughing with him.
We had planned on getting lunch but he said he was not hungry. My wife looked at me and said it was ok to take him back to our house as it was too early for him to check into his hotel. THAT WAS A HUGE surprise as she had told me that she was not comfortable with him being at our place! We had worked up some extra security measures at home just in case with hanging sheets on the doors with windows so I hung them while he toured the house with her. THEY MADE IT AS FAR AS OUR BEDROOM.
Within 30 minutes of getting there he was making love to her ON OUR BED! With me watching! It was incredible. He was super hung and while i could not see everything she gave me a thumbs up sign when he was fully in her.
So in the 3 days he was here they had 5 long sessions. Some at our place, some at his hotel. She went down on him, which was another surprise. We played together as well, she had so many orgasms she lost count. Some without touching herself.
I went down on her after, which I did not know if I would do. And after each time it was NOT awkward with him at all. And it was not just all sex. Lots of touching and flirting. We went […] one day and hung out. The sex part could not have been better.
A few places of disappointment, but i built this in my mind so big it was going to happen. He seemed to have a bit of an issue […]
My wife is a born skeptic. […] SHe and I are super connected and having a great time. I certainly want this to continue and have yet to see any “warmwife” or cold hotwife in her yet. I know that trust is super important and he did say he would be coming back to see us. Just a few hiccups.
She is saying things like “If it were not him this would not have happened”. I can respect that but there is a part of me that wants her open to other possibilities. […] What if the bar has been set so high that this is it???? WHat if he does not come back or flakes out now???? He has every right too, but I hope he is good at his word. Time will tell.
So for now I am staying in the moment, and let me tell you there have been alot of them. We really have no regrets. And it has been a great experience. I like her getting to know him and that dynamic is great. I cannot see us being a couple where she plays with random guys. JUST NOT OUR THING. But having sexual chemistry with a guy and knowing him is super sexy.
One final observation. Nothing sexier than stepping into the shower after our last play time together and having her applying moisturizer to him standing in our bedroom, except stepping out of the shower and having her still doing that, on her knees. Oh and them being close together in public is super hot too.
I will let you know when I need an email from you offering advice. It will be when things go a bit awry. In the meantime, let me know you received this.
I cant believe this happened!!!!!!!
(Disclaimer: although the story is entirely real, the picture above is not Ron’s wife. He is not sharing those pictures mentioned above for discretionary reasons).
There’s plenty of commentary I could add to all this, but for the most part, Ron’s story speaks for itself. And do you know what the most mind-blowing thing about all this is? Stories like Ron’s happen _all the time _around here. I wonder when the time will come for your story to happen :-)
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