About 90% of my clients have already talked to their significant other about non-monogamy and have encountered resistance for one reason or another. Now, imagine if they just…gave up. Thought it wasn’t possible. Etc.
Imagine if the client in the email screenshot above never enlisted my guidance all because he thought his wife would never come around.
That would be a shame. Why?
Well the way I see it…so much of life is about trying to elicit certain responses from the world and the people in it. Think about your daily life for a second and how many times someone (be it someone you know personally, a stranger, or even some abstract someone like a company) wants something from you—your time, your attention, a favor, your consent, your data, your money, your energy, etc. That’s life. We give, and we take.
Now in that process of you wanting things from others and them wanting things from you, it’s only natural to wind up saying, “No. I cannot/do not/will not give what you’re asking of/from me.” And most of the time, you have your reasons. And the same goes for the world saying no to you, right? No you can’t do this, no we can’t sell you this car for this price, no I don’t want to go eat at that restaurant, no I don’t want to go out with you, and so on. The world tells you no all the time.
No can be problematic, right? At least when it comes to getting what you want from someone else. But what if you really need what you’re asking the other person to give? Is it ok to try and get them to change their mind then? Or how about what if you really really want it? Or what if it’s simply very important to you? Or maybe you truly believe in the good that getting what you want can bring/do. If the world or someone else says no, should you just—give up?
Ugh, I shudder at that notion. What a poor life one would lead, yea? You don’t just—give up—because you’re met with resistance, especially if you feel passionately about what it is that you’re asking for or want.
I want to be clear that—unless you’re using coercive or violent tactics, and/or unless you personally and consciously decide you’re going to entirely disregard your partner no matter what she says until you get the result you want—I see absolutely nothing wrong with trying to get a yes from a person you’re in a relationship with when it comes to getting them to try something you’re passionate about.
I don’t care if the something you want them to say yes to is a new food, a new movie, a new vacation spot, a new idea, it doesn’t matter. You’re a person with wants, desires, needs, passions, interests, etc. And so are they. But to think that if you’re met with resistance at some point when trying to get them to walk with you on a path that you feel the both of you stand to benefit from, that you can’t or shouldn’t go the extra mile or put in some extra effort to get them to change their mind—that’s crazy man!
And that’s ultimately what I want to convey here. I think it’s ok to not only want to get your partner to be open to what you’re passionate about, but that it’s ok to try! What kind of wet noodle partner would you be if you didn’t, yea?
Learning To Feel Through The Resistance
It’s hard to see and feel through the resistance you can get from your wife when it comes to turning fantasies into reality. It’s also hard to know how to handle that resistance the right way.
But if you can accept it, and feel through it, and connect to that deeper part of your wife that she has inside (because trust me, just about every wife has that deeper part), her resistance will begin to melt and you’ll be astounded at what doors you’ll open–just like the client in the email screenshot at the beginning of this article.
This process and the guidance I provide clients with—it’s not about just accomplishing a goal by any means necessary; it’s not about tricking, manipulating, or using any other kind of negative means to help them get the “results” they want.
It’s about helping them enrich and enhance their relationship in the most intimate and passionate of ways. It’s about helping them strengthen their intimacy bond, connecting with each other, and navigating a new path which can be intimidating and scary and uncomfortable and foreign to most women, but not if they have the right kind of understanding, support, and encouragement from their husband.
It’s not always an easy process, but it can be a simpler one–one that winds up giving you the successful results you want–if you have the right guidance.
So, that brings us full circle now and back to the relevance of the question that is the title of this article…
Are You Standing In Your Own Way?
This fantasy of yours, the desire you have inside to make it happen—think about when you first realized it was a turn on for you…perhaps it was only some weak wish you had, maybe even one you were hesitant to admit to yourself…and think about how it’s now become a full-fledged and hard-on desire…one that isn’t going away.
Think about how over time it’s only gotten more pronounced, louder, bigger, how you’ve become more obsessed. Think about how the longer you go without taking steps to actually do something about it that it just sits under the surface repressed, unfulfilled, and because of that—it starts to eat away at you.
The urges you have find other negative ways to express themselves, and your relationship starts to suffer because of repressed sexual and emotional desire.
It becomes harder (and easier) to hide who you really are, and you unintentionally start to create distance in your relationship by escaping into the porn world.
I want you to know that you if you want to make this happen–and you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t–that the obstacles you think are in the way can indeed be overcome; the only thing standing in the way of making this happen for real might just be you.
So make NOW the moment you decide to get out of your own way. Delaying only makes it worse—you and I both know it.
Do yourself, your relationship, and your life a favor; choose the path to making your relationship more passionate than it’s ever been before. I’ll help every step of the way.