If you’re not sure how to go about getting your wife interested in sleeping with another man, then this article is going to give you the answers you need to take the first steps to making it happen.
I’m writing this because over 60% of my clients last month weren’t doing at least one of these things, but as soon as they addressed that bottleneck, it changed the entire dynamic of their situation. And I bet you that if you haven’t found a way to make your fantasy happen yet, then there are at least 3 things on the upcoming list that you’re not doing. Let’s take a look, shall we?
#1 - (Re)Ignite Your Intimate Bond With Her
One of the most common problems I see guys run into stems from the reason behind why their woman is ambivalent or resistant about moving forward from fantasy to reality. What she tells you oftentimes might be true, but it’s not as important as what’s underneath what she tells you. And do you want to know what that is 7 out of 10 times?
Before I tell you, I want to mention that it’s something we as men perceive and experience differently than women. So if your first thought is, “We don’t have that issue,” I’d warn you the way you conceptualize it probably isn’t the way your wife does.
So what is it? It’s that she doesn’t trust or feel connected enough to your own relationship to feel good/secure/safe/right about pursuing something outside the relationship. So many of the objections a woman will give can be traced back to this one simple fact. And the way she evaluates her trust and connection in the relationship has to do with what’s called your intimacy bond…
An intimacy bond is the sum total of how many and what type of _intimacy connections _you’ve made over together the last several months. Intimacy connections are shared events or experiences that make two people feel close to each other. Examples abound from popular activities such as going out to eat, going to a movie/concert/event, doing something together on the couch at home, or more alternative activities such as engaging in a shared hobby, taking a class together, going on romantic “dates”, checking off your bucket list, etc.
Most guys knowingly ignore this for two reasons:
- They don’t think there’s any issue with the connection in their relationship so therefore don’t they don’t think they have to lay any groundwork, or
- Deep down they don’t want to invest the time to lay the needed groundwork beforehand; they would much rather be able to pitch their fantasy to their wife without any preparation because it’s too much effort to do anything otherwise.
In order to reignite your intimacy bond with your wife, you’re going to want to make time to do 1-2 activities per week together that involve making some kind of intimate connection with each other. I gave you some examples above, but if you want even better ways–ways that will enhance the depth, passion, and intimacy in your relationship; 52 different ways to be exact that your wife is guaranteed to be so impressed and moved by, that she’ll confess she hasn’t felt this excited about your relationship since you first started dating; then check out my **52 Ways **product which is currently being offered as a bonus in The Inception Method.
#2 - Praise Her Naughty Side
Every woman has a naughty side. But, every woman’s naughty side is different. For some women, simply having sex doggystyle is naughty; for others, being naughty means having sex doggystyle at a fairly public playground and recording it for later enjoyment.
The point is that your woman has a naughty side. This is important because getting her in touch with it is going to be a prerequisite for making your fantasy happen. No woman on earth will be willing to explore a fantasy this “taboo” unless she can connect with the naughty part of her that could find aspects of it appealing. That’s why you want to help her get in touch and connect with that side as frequently as possible, and do you know one of the best ways to do that is?
By praising her–in a very specific way. Praise is a form of positive reinforcement, and it’s a shame it’s the most dismissed one because of how effective it can actually be. The way you’ll want to praise her is by calling attention to the naughty things she’s done with you. By telling her how hot those things are to you–and telling her the meta-reasons they’re hot–you’ll be indirectly inspiring her to want to act in ways that make you praise her. Why?
Because people want to act in ways that conform to or are consonant with what others think about them—especially if what others think is perceived as good. Bring out her naughty side by praising it, and you’ll find that she’ll be more open to doing naughty things.
#3 - Get Her To Be More Sexual When She’s Alone
This goes hand in hand with what we were just talking about. A great way to bring out her naughty side is to get her to play when she’s by herself. If she doesn’t have any alone time, make some for her. The more a woman has sex–or orgasms–the more she’ll find herself craving sexual stimulation. The more she finds herself craving sexual stimulation, the more her naughty side will be wanting to come out. And we already know why that’s important.
How “in use” a woman’s sexual side is has a big impact on her thoughts, feelings, and actions. And our thoughts and feelings color our universe. They dictate what we want and don’t want, and ultimately–what we will and won’t do. Start taking steps to encourage your wife to play by herself on her own, and tell you about it. And if you’re feeling daring and really want to spice things up and unleash a side of your wife that’s so sexual it’ll make you jittery with anxiety just to think about, then stay tuned because I’m going to release something very soon that you won’t want to miss.
#4 - Have Her Dress Sexy In Public
Imagine a high-school age young man out on a first date with the pretty young girl he’s had a crush on for awhile. Let’s pretend they go out and get something to eat where they talk about common interests and various conversational topics. They keep their physical distance, but they make an emotional one. Afterwards suppose they go to a movie which they both enjoy, and although there’s still no physical contact, it’s not awkward. After that, it’s getting late, and so the young man takes his date home.
As he walks her to the door, they can both feel the tension building because the moment of the possibility of a first kiss is approaching. The young man goes back and forth in his head not knowing whether or not he should go in for the kiss; is it too much too fast, what if she doesn’t kiss back, will she stop me, etc. Most of us have been there…
Let’s imagine the same young couple, but this time when the young man picks her up, he opens the door of the car for her and ushers her in naturally as anyone might do by gently placing his hand on her lower back as his other hand is on the door while she gets into the car. And while they’re walking to their dinner table being led by their hostess through the crowded restaurant, he extends his hand behind him and looks at her as if to say, “Hold my hand so I don’t lose you.” And she does.
As they converse over dinner, he asks for a bite of her food and she gives him one using her own fork. Perhaps they feet brush against one another multiple times under the table. Before they start walking into the movies, he extends his bent arm jokingly saying, “May I escort you Madem,” and she laughingly plays along and grabs his arm. They even hold hands during the movie.
By the time they arrive back at her house, the amount of times they physically touched one another is more than several–to the point where they both feel comfortable if they come in physical contact. It’s because of this that the nervous tension they would feel about the approaching possibility of a first kiss isn’t there…because it’s been replaced by comfort, and excitement. All of those previous physical connections helped them acclimate to the idea of a physical connection.
In other words, because there was a physical buildup/lead-up to the first kiss, that first kiss can be seen as something that’s just a natural next step in the series of events that have been unfolding all night. This is in contrast to the first scenario, where it’s seen as a big jump or a leap to be made with no prior warm-up. There’s an awkwardness in the first situation due to the absence of prior physical contact.
There needs to be a lead-up when it comes to making your fantasy happen. If you’re thinking, “Well, I already try to get my wife to dress sexy in public ut she doesn’t do it very often or at all,” then it’s because you haven’t tapped into her naughty side yet. Once you do though, you’ll want to start making little adventures out of small outings by having your wife put on something sexy or revealing. This will allow her to experience attention of a sexual nature that comes from someone other than you. Exposing her (no pun intended) to this kind of attention will make it easier to take more steps down a path that involves sexual attention from others.
And that’s exactly what you’re going to want your wife to be comfortable with–otherwise the gap from sleeping with you to sleeping with someone else will be far too much to process.
#5 - Validate Her Objections
Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone close to you, but then one of you suddenly makes a small concession and acknowledges that you can see where the other is coming from? When that happens, it’s like someone opened a valve for all of the tension that was there to just be released, and it’s because people just want to feel like their feelings and thoughts matter. That’s why if you resist or try to change their thoughts or feelings, you’ll make them more likely to grasp on tighter to those thoughts and feelings.
Now, it’s normal (and healthy) for your wife to have objections to your fantasy. I’ll cover that in another post. For now, what you want to keep in mind is that you want to let these objections exist. That doesn’t mean you need to agree with them. All it means is that you want to validate them.
Validating someone’s thoughts or feelings is showing them that you recognize they have those thoughts or feelings for a reason. You want to show them you can see things from their perspective, and from that perspective it makes complete sense to for them to think and feel how they are thinking and feeling. This is different from agreeing and affirming their feelings.
Affirming someone’s thoughts and feelings is telling them they’re correct in thinking or feeling however they are thinking and feeling. You are essentially justifying and subjectively supporting those thoughts and feelings.
Simply put, validating is showing them you understand. Affirming is telling them their beliefs and thoughts and feelings are correct. My guide on The Cuckold’s Compass Objection Guide goes into more detail about this distinction and about not only how to how to handle your wife’s objections without making them become even more ingrained in her head than they already are, but to be able to get her to give them up with ease.
#6 - Explain Your Meta-Reasons
See the section on “How To Fix The Problem” in this article. I can’t stress the importance of this one enough. If you don’t communicate your meta-reasons for all this, it decreases the chances of you being able to make this happen by about 40-50%. Get your meta-reasons straight.
#7 - Identify Realistic Avenues For Her To Take Smaller Steps
The mere idea of sleeping with someone else will be a bit intimidating to most, if not all women. But let’s say you were able to handle all her objections like a pro. If you do, she can still object in one last way, and if you don’t have the right answer to this one, then you could lose all the progress you made.
This last way I’m talking about has to do with your wife objecting on logistical terms or for logistical reasons. The most common logistical objection revolves around where/how she is supposed to find another guy. If you haven’t thought this part of your fantasy through yet, it’s okay. What you need to do is have at least a few suggestions to be able to offer, and then use her responses to your suggestions as feedback/information to find an even better avenue for this to happen.
For example, some women would be more comfortable with someone they already know. Others might find the idea of a Craigslist ad intriguing. There’s a lot of options in between these two options, and your job is the find the one (or several) that your wife would be most receptive to. The key here is to have viable answers to her question instead of being caught with your pants down.
One Last Thing
If you do all seven of these things, will it absolutely guarantee you can make your fantasy happen in reality? Not if you have to make a few additional tweaks and take a few additional steps based on the strengths and weaknesses of your particular relationship. But that’s why I offer personalized plans and email or chat consulting plans.
I’ll tell you what though…
You certainly won’t be able to make your fantasy happen without making sure most of the things on this list haven’t already been take care of. So if you’re serious about wanting your wife to sleep with another man and haven’t yet decided to take the easy path and enlist my help, use this post as a stepping stone, and get to work solidifying your foundation so you can make your fantasy happen the way you want it to.