The 4 Pre-Cuckolding/Pre-Hotwifing Stages Every Woman Goes Through Before She Cucks Her Husband  4.8/5 (50)

There are a lot of different paths couples actually take when they go from having a strictly monogamous relationship to introducing cuckolding or hotwifing into their lives. In each of those paths though, there’s one thing that shows itself to be fairly constant, and it has to do with the mental stages a woman passes through before actually cuckolding her man or becoming a hotwife. That’s because behavioral change follows a fairly predictable model which psychology has demonstrated, and this process follows that model.

For the large majority of women, more often than not, this is a process–not an event. Processes are series of events that take place over time, aren’t necessarily linear, and are affected by multiple factors. Events are single occurrence happenings. To use an analogy to illustrate the difference between a process an event: turning most women on sexually is more like turning up a volume control knob as opposed to flipping a switch. For men, it’s usually more of an event that sparks sexual arousal/flips their switch.

So what does the process of becoming willing to cuckold her husband or become a hotwife look like for women? It’s made of up 4 stages, and although progress through the stages is usually linear, it doesn’t always have to be. Let’s take a look at the first stage.



The hallmark of this stage is having no desire or intention to change the current structure or dynamic of the relationship. It’s possible for her to be aware that different relationship arrangements exist (i.e. swinging, cuckolding, polygamy, etc) but she hasn’t related those arrangements to her own relationship.

In order for a woman to move to the next stage, there must be some thing (or a series of things) that triggers her to start thinking about those arrangements in relation to her own relationship. We will call this a Transderiviational Search Stimulus, or TDSS for short. A TDSS can be something as indirect/removed as her reading a random article about the benefits of alternative relationship arrangements, or it can be something as direct as her husband bringing up the idea of wanting her to sleep with another man.

This stimulus causes her to perform what can be called a transderivational search. She officially starts to think about an alternative arrangement as regards her own relationship. At this point, she enters the next stage.



It’s at this stage where most women will experience internal confusion, discomfort, and aversion towards such ideas. We know a lot of this has to do with social conditioning, values, past experiences, etc so we’re not going to re-hash all of that here. (For a more detailed explanation of what’s behind most of these feelings which are responsible for her objections to this idea, read this article.)

All of the worries, fears, concerns, and pros, potentials, and advantages that she could possibly come up with go through her mind in this stage. She is in the middle of sorting out the transderivational search of relating this idea to her relationship with you.

In order to make it to the next stage, there are 9 questions every woman will and must ask herself before it’s even possible for her to make it to the next stage. It’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail on these questions, but there is where what you do can make or break whether or not your fantasy happens. In other words, if you can answer these 9 questions in the right ways—because they do have right answers—then it’s a take-it-to-the-bank guarantee that your fantasy will happen. For more information on what these questions are, check out The Cuckold’s Checklist.

Women who get satisfactory answers to these 9 questions move on to the next stage.



Women in this stage are ready to actually start taking steps to making cuckolding/hotwifing a reality. It’s not uncommon for the idea of taking smaller steps to make this fantasy happen appeal to them more than the idea of just going to a bar and going home with someone who hits on them.

Women in this stage should be encouraged to seek support from you or others who have experience in this lifestyle. Her number one concern will be if she starts down this path, will it somehow all blow up in her face? The better prepared she can feel, the better she’ll feel her chances of success are, which will in turn affect how much she’s willing to embrace all this and keep progressing. Joining a cuckold/hotwifing forum where she details her journey can be a great place for her to get all the support she needs.



Women in this stage have actually taken and are continuing to take steps to make cuckolding/hotwifing a reality in their relationship. It’s important for them to continue to feel plenty of support and to learn more about the fantasy, themselves, you, and where it can all lead.

The Non-Linear Nature of Progression

I mentioned earlier that processes usually aren't linear, and because this is a process, it doesn't have to be a linear one. For example, some women move from contemplation to action while skipping the preparation stage, become hesitant while they're taking action, and "regress" into a previous stage. Others go from pre-contemplation to contemplation, and back again to pre-contemplation after they decide they don't want to do this, but into the preparation stage if her objections are overcome.

The important thing to remember is that this process/journey is fluid and flexible. Women can flow and move back and forth from one stage to the next, sometimes within a matter of minutes depending on what they feel or what's currently happening in their relationship with you. If you want your woman to entertain your fantasy, then you need to first understand and respect the process, both of which you should have an easier time doing now that you've read this article.


Does Your Woman's Journey End Here?

No it does not. In fact, there are other stages women can go through after they officially take steps towards making this fantasy a reality, but that will be the feature of a future article.


What Now?

The good news is that no matter what stage your woman is in, I'm here to help. The advice and information I give to you though depends on what the details of your situation are. There are only 4 different scenarios your situation can fall under:

  1. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and is willing to fantasize about it in bed, but isn’t willing to actually explore it in real life.
  2. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy, and is not willing to fantasize about it in bed because she doesn’t like it or even understand it for that matter.
  3. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and has explored it with you in the past, but no longer wants to again for whatever reason(s).
  4. Your wife doesn’t know about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy because you haven’t brought it up to her yet.

Because each of those situations is different, they each call for taking a different approach in order to get your wife to "take the plunge". In order to make sure you don't waste your time reading information that won't apply to your unique situation, I'm going to suggest that you take 5 minutes and complete my Cuckold Fantasy Type & Probablity Assessment. It'll give you:

  • A detailed analysis of where you stand (current advantages & disadvantages of your situation)
  • The class/type of objections your wife has given you and what that means for how easy or difficult all this will be
  • Feedback on any positive/negative auxiliary factors you have (believe it or not auxiliary factors can make or break your chances)
  • Success Probability Score (how likely it is you'll be able to make your fantasy happen)
  • What type of cuckold/hotwife husband you are and how that relates to your success probability score
  • The next steps you need to take to get your wife to make this a reality

 To take it, all you need to do is click the button below:



If you've already taken it, then you should really consider taking advantage of the current deal I'm offering on The Cuckold's Compass Objection Guide. I've made the offer so tempting that you literally have nothing to lose...

Did you enjoy this post?


  • Donald Dunlap

    Reply Reply November 6, 2017

    That realy helped me and Wow,Shes happier then Shes Ever been..Thank you.Cuckold Consultant.

  • Barry

    Reply Reply February 12, 2018

    This was great and has left me encouraged that there is a chance that I can live out my fantasy of being cuckold and being a slave to my wife and her lover 24/7 in the future.

    • Bennie Honeycutt

      Reply Reply May 20, 2020

      Would really enjoy this lifestyle.

  • Greg

    Reply Reply February 14, 2018

    Im trying so hard to convince my beautiful sexy gf to let me watch her with another man…i think she may like the thought of it but she thinks it will ruin our relationship….please someone gimme advice if u can…..
    [email protected]

  • jim

    Reply Reply February 20, 2018

    Usually when a woman cucks a man it is about domination and she usually dominates him before she ever has the other man. Once she has another man making her husband accept it is much about feeling secure since when a man accepts his wife having other lovers she knows he is totally hers. A good way for a woman to dominate her man is to make him relate submission to pleasure so everytime you dominate him a bit give him some pleasure. Doing your boy up the bum while getting him off is a good start and then bring up the topic of other men while you make him spurt. Being taken anally is submissive behavior but it also changes how the woman sees her man after all it is him being penetrated and being helpless.

    • Dr. 36

      Reply Reply February 23, 2018

      Hi Jim,

      Actually, there are many women and men who live cuckolding relationships that don’t start at all the way you describe. What you’re talking about falls more in line with female-led-relationships as opposed to cuckolding.

      Regarding the last part of your post, there are also many women who peg their men but aren’t in any kind of cuckolding relationship. There are many shades to these lifestyles.

  • Fernando garcia

    Reply Reply May 25, 2018

    Hi there.. I really like your post and the cuckhold lifestyle is very much a hot turn on for me as well as my wife..I’m the one that has brought up the whole cuck lifestyle in our relationship..Even though she is very turned on by the whole deal …well honestly she is very! Turned on about fucking other men as I watch or participate ..I’ve gotten her to realize and admit to me as well as herself..that the reason why she has cheated on me…is not that she doesn’t love near..cuz I know she does.with all her heart and with cheating comes “”hurt”. And well as alot of other negative consiquences for the person being cheated on…in this case me..I’m 57 y.o and my package is not the biggest or thickest derstandcategory…very much avg.. 6 1/2. 7 in. Max..uncut.alot foreskin avg.thickness. With a head that is the same diameter as the balls are small tight.and they don’t hang at all!all..So by being honest and open with her about my avg manly package. My sexyal performance. And stamina in bed…I understand why she was sleeping around…being deceitful..and a cheating spouse…that the dishonesty hurt me more than the sexual act itself..that I know she loved me and her action was understandable to me..and that I could easily forgive her for cheating on me and could forget all of it..if she would be honest to herself and me…so we both can be on the same page. And not jepordize this fairytale relationship. And beautiful love we have for each other. And accept our faults or shortcomings..or even our actions..And if she really wanted to be in this relationship.of ours…that we can come to solution or solutions for the problems or areas that need to be addressed. No mater what it was…that being honest and sincere to one another. And being able to be upfront and open with each other. Is the key to our happiness…as well as being satisfied in all areas of our all areas..I stated to her again…At that point she looked at me and started to cry and ask for forgiveness. That she wouldn’t do it again..and for me not to stop loving her..n also she looked me in the eyes..”please don’t fuck nobody else and get even..that even though I had the right to do it…and she could not do anything about it!!.I looked at her and said are you serious about you don’t want me to fuck any one else. Or any other female to be with me sexually?? She said no are all mine…I replied with small cock is not allowed to explore different women…even though I it’s not big ..long ..n thick…like other guys cocks….that you won’t share me with no one …even though I I’m a quick Cummer…I not allowed to play with other women…even though I you cheated and other guys enjoyed your naked body..and you enjoyed their cocks..and fucked them ..,? How many times? ..but I can’t have anything..she looked at me and said “yes” I know it’s not fair. .but you don’t need another women to satisfy you in bed!!.. because I do all that for you…So don’t even think of it before you make me mad…As I looked up at her and looked deep into her eyes..and said you are serious aren’t you?? She said yes. I am …I satisfy you in all areas and you know don’t need another girl’s pussy…AS she said that ..I realized how right she was
    .I could barely handle her in bed..she would turn me on so much… whether sucking my cock down to my balls…or fucking my brains out I was always done in less than5 min tops… leaving her hot n wet..wanting and needing more cock..Cock that I couldn’t give her…..

  • Alain

    Reply Reply June 28, 2018

    My wife recently confessed that she had been seeing a man behind my back for the past two years twice a week. This despite the fact that she seemed to go through the stages of cuckoldry with me, being upset, dismissing the idea, asking me about it at a much later date, and then talking dirty about her “fantasies” in bed with me, which turned out to be real. ______ She is an executive and while we started with fantasy talk in bed, she didn’t come around to the idea of cuckolding me fully until she found just the “right” guy, and it turned out that guy happened to be an ex-boyfriend (whom I’ve never met), but she has talked about him a lot. I’ve also seen a few older pictures of her with him and he’s very well-endowed, but she never seems to make a big deal about it. ______ When she shares her own fantasies with me, it’s her being dominated by him. She says she spends all day making decisions and telling people what to do and her fantasy involves full submission to her bull. And the one recurring act that she says he does is make her suck his dick and swallow. Sometimes he makes her wear a dog collar which he tugs on while she sucks she says. ______ I don’t feel betrayed; in fact, I’m very happy with her, but I was at wit’s end many times in my attempts to convert her to cuckoldry! I just wish she had been up front with me and we could have been having fun sooner. But all is well now.

  • Barbara

    Reply Reply December 20, 2018

    This was an interesting – almost academic article on this subject so it was nice to read something without all the fake fantasies and sales inducements.

  • Nerby

    Reply Reply December 29, 2018

    has anyone applied this advice in a hot wife situation? We’re senior citizens trying to restore excitement. She says she’s not into fantasy. But my fantasies about her taking a bigger dick and then f-ing me are strong. any suggestions?

  • Steve

    Reply Reply April 4, 2019

    I would love to see my wife with another man, or men. After 20 years of marriage, our sex life is stale and I know that it needs something to stimulate it. I have mentioned my fantasy to my wife a few times but she always rejects the idea, I even tell her that when she goes out with her friends etc and if she gets hit on, she can do whatever she wants, as long as she tells me all about it. I would love her to come home and tell me she gave a strange guy a blow job outside a club somewhere. I am thinking about surprising her with another guy for her birthday if we go to a hotel for a night.

    I have always had this desire and I can only imagine the excitement of watching my wife play with a large thick cock!!!

  • Stephanie

    Reply Reply July 11, 2019

    So, my boyfriend brought up his fantasy with me. And while it has always been a fantasy for me, I always just thought that it would be just that, nothing else. I was raised in a very Christian home and I struggle with cuckolding because I’ve been taught it’s not right. Although, when I went and slept with another man, the sex was amazing and I went home to my boyfriend and we had the best love making I’ve ever had. My boyfriend has a very small penis, 3.5″ long and about the same in girth so when we have sex, I don’t get off very often.

    I’m also a person who has a hard time to separate sex from emotions and this landed us in a bit of a mess where we almost broke up. How does one get over these issues? I love my boyfriend and I loved having sex with another man, and flirting and all that, but I have a hard time getting over the values I was raised with and the emotional side of things.

  • maryann hayes

    Reply Reply November 30, 2019

    i think all women desire sex outside marriage not love but just sex and if they ever have sex with a black man then its sex only with black men i think they all desire to be in a gangbang be the center of attention and so many men desiring you

  • Dan

    Reply Reply December 22, 2019

    My wife has a boyfriend she sees quite often. We started this lifestyle mainly because I am very small down there and I knew when ever we had sex she couldn’t feel anything. I finally convinced her that I would be okay if she had sex with another man. She has never been happier. She is now sexually satisfied with intercourse. I still take care of her orally almost every night but she gets cock whenever she wants it. I don’t watch because I would rather them having their time alone making love. I do hear them if they are hear and the sounds she makes just makes me happy knowing she is really enjoying herself. Sometimes she goes to his place and he has even taken her on weekend trips and I’m okay knowing they are probably having sex most of the time. I just want her to be happy and satisfied.

  • Roger Lindley

    Reply Reply September 1, 2020

    I am seventysix years old and my wife seventyone we have been married fiftyone years, for at least 45 plus of those years I have been trying to persuade my wife to cuckold me.At the beginning of this year she finally for whatever reason agreed.
    Unfortunately this coincided with the coronavirus epidemic but she wasn’t deterred and now, a matter of three or four months later shd has had sex with seven different men, although with two of them only oral sex. At least two of these men have come back fof more.
    The only issue I have is she doesn’t want me to watch, I get a full description of the activities on her return home and we ate wofking towards me watching.
    She has also expressed a desite to tfy sex with a other woman, I think this is because one of her lovers wants a threesome, unfortunately finding a woman appezrs more difficult thzn finding men.
    I would just add that cuckolding has restored our marriage which prior to this was not a happy place for either of us.

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