The 4 Pre-Cuckolding/Pre-Hotwifing Stages Every Woman Goes Through Before She Cucks Her Husband

There are a lot of different paths couples actually take when they go from having a strictly monogamous relationship to introducing cuckolding or hotwifing into their lives. In each of those paths though, there’s one thing that shows itself to be fairly constant, and it has to do with the mental stages a woman passes through before actually cuckolding her man or becoming a hotwife. That’s because behavioral change follows a fairly predictable model which psychology has demonstrated, and this process follows that model.

For the large majority of women, more often than not, this is a process–not an event. Processes are series of events that take place over time, aren’t necessarily linear, and are affected by multiple factors. Events are single occurrence happenings. To use an analogy to illustrate the difference between a process an event: turning most women on sexually is more like turning up a volume control knob as opposed to flipping a switch. For men, it’s usually more of an event that sparks sexual arousal/flips their switch.

So what does the process of becoming willing to cuckold her husband or become a hotwife look like for women? It’s made of up 4 stages, and although progress through the stages is usually linear, it doesn’t always have to be. Let’s take a look at the first stage.



The hallmark of this stage is having no desire or intention to change the current structure or dynamic of the relationship. It’s possible for her to be aware that different relationship arrangements exist (i.e. swinging, cuckolding, polygamy, etc) but she hasn’t related those arrangements to her own relationship.

In order for a woman to move to the next stage, there must be some thing (or a series of things) that triggers her to start thinking about those arrangements in relation to her own relationship. We will call this a Transderiviational Search Stimulus, or TDSS for short. A TDSS can be something as indirect/removed as her reading a random article about the benefits of alternative relationship arrangements, or it can be something as direct as her husband bringing up the idea of wanting her to sleep with another man.

This stimulus causes her to perform what can be called a transderivational search. She officially starts to think about an alternative arrangement as regards her own relationship. At this point, she enters the next stage.



It’s at this stage where most women will experience internal confusion, discomfort, and aversion towards such ideas. We know a lot of this has to do with social conditioning, values, past experiences, etc so we’re not going to re-hash all of that here. (For a more detailed explanation of what’s behind most of these feelings which are responsible for her objections to this idea, read this article.)

All of the worries, fears, concerns, and pros, potentials, and advantages that she could possibly come up with go through her mind in this stage. She is in the middle of sorting out the transderivational search of relating this idea to her relationship with you.

In order to make it to the next stage, there are 9 questions every woman **will **and must ask herself before it’s even possible for her to make it to the next stage. It’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail on these questions, but there is where what you do can make or break whether or not your fantasy happens. In other words, if you can answer these 9 questions in the right ways—because they do have right answers—then it’s a take-it-to-the-bank guarantee that your fantasy will happen. For more information on what these questions are, check out The Cuckold’s Checklist.

Women who get satisfactory answers to these 9 questions move on to the next stage.



Women in this stage are ready to actually start taking steps to making cuckolding/hotwifing a reality. It’s not uncommon for the idea of taking smaller steps to make this fantasy happen appeal to them more than the idea of just going to a bar and going home with someone who hits on them.

Women in this stage should be encouraged to seek support from you or others who have experience in this lifestyle. Her number one concern will be if she starts down this path, will it somehow all blow up in her face? The better prepared she can feel, the better she’ll feel her chances of success are, which will in turn affect how much she’s willing to embrace all this and keep progressing. Joining a cuckold/hotwifing forum where she details her journey can be a great place for her to get all the support she needs.



Women in this stage have actually taken and are continuing to take steps to make cuckolding/hotwifing a reality in their relationship. It’s important for them to continue to feel plenty of support and to learn more about the fantasy, themselves, you, and where it can all lead.

The Non-Linear Nature of Progression

I mentioned earlier that processes usually aren’t linear, and because this is a process, it doesn’t have to be a linear one. For example, some women move from contemplation to action while skipping the preparation stage, become hesitant while they’re taking action, and “regress” into a previous stage. Others go from pre-contemplation to contemplation, and back again to pre-contemplation after they decide they don’t want to do this, but into the preparation stage if her objections are overcome.

The important thing to remember is that this process/journey is fluid and flexible. Women can flow and move back and forth from one stage to the next, sometimes within a matter of minutes depending on what they feel or what’s currently happening in their relationship with you. If you want your woman to entertain your fantasy, then you need to first understand and respect the process, both of which you should have an easier time doing now that you’ve read this article.


Does Your Woman’s Journey End Here?

No it does not. In fact, there are other stages women can go through after they officially take steps towards making this fantasy a reality, but that will be the feature of a future article.


What Now?

The good news is that no matter what stage your woman is in, I’m here to help. The advice and information I give to you though depends on what the details of your situation are. There are only 4 different scenarios your situation can fall under:

  1. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and is willing to fantasize about it in bed, but isn’t willing to actually explore it in real life.
  2. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy, and is not willing to fantasize about it in bed because she doesn’t like it or even understand it for that matter.
  3. Your wife knows about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy and has explored it with you in the past, but no longer wants to again for whatever reason(s).
  4. Your wife doesn’t know about your cuckold or hotwife fantasy because you haven’t brought it up to her yet.

Because each of those situations is different, they each call for taking a different approach in order to get your wife to “take the plunge”. In order to make sure you don’t waste your time reading information that won’t apply to your unique situation, I’m going to suggest that you take 5 minutes and complete my Cuckold Fantasy Type & Probablity Assessment. It’ll give you:

  • A detailed analysis of where you stand (current advantages & disadvantages of your situation)
  • The class/type of objections your wife has given you and what that means for how easy or difficult all this will be
  • Feedback on any positive/negative auxiliary factors you have (believe it or not auxiliary factors can make or break your chances)
  • Success Probability Score (how likely it is you’ll be able to make your fantasy happen)
  • What type of cuckold/hotwife husband you are and how that relates to your success probability score
  • The next steps you need to take to get your wife to make this a reality

To take it, all you need to do is click the button below:

If you’ve already taken it, then you should really consider taking advantage of the current deal I’m offering on The Cuckold’s Compass Objection Guide. I’ve made the offer so tempting that you literally have nothing to lose…